Life After Forty

Infertility After Forty Part 1

December 15, 2021 Staci A Season 1 Episode 2
Transcript Chapter Markers

09:59:33:25 - 09:59:17:06
Unknown
I feel welcome back to early boarding school, just like that, the 45 part is Amy Prostheses, eh? And I have my lovely, handsome husband again with me this week for our Typekit, which is in Brazil, we have the 40.

09:59:16:16 - 09:59:00:01
Unknown
And even though that's the name of the topic, a name of the episode to episode two, our journey started before either one of us was born in regard to the onset of the topic, but I definitely wanted to touch on this topic.

09:59:00:01 - 09:58:43:10
Unknown
It was very important to me because one we've experienced it and there's just a lot of women out there, almost all women and men, but mainly women. That is both that goes through infertility and they are ashamed of it.

09:58:43:09 - 09:58:30:00
Unknown
They are embarrassed by it. They don't want to talk about it. They don't share the topic like this. Is this the reason why we're talking about it and it makes their lives harder? And again, they suffer in silence.

09:58:29:18 - 09:58:09:17
Unknown
So I thought it was very important because of our journey that we kind of touched on this specifically about just being infertile right now. Infertility affects both men and women, even though one partner may be infertile or in a man's case.

09:58:09:17 - 09:57:51:12
Unknown
If you know sperm count may be low, right, the woman still suffers as well. All right, so we're going to talk about it. We don't honestly look at it from both viewpoints because I have spoken with people in the past, men who had low sperm count and it really affected their their manhood.

09:57:51:12 - 09:57:39:24
Unknown
In a sense, I can understand it. Oh, just like what a woman. It affects her mental like some of the things you suffered with in the beginning and probably still continue to do is what am I on this planet for?

09:57:39:16 - 09:57:23:04
Unknown
Yeah. So, yeah, I mean, some women don't want to be a man. Some women don't want to be a parent, and that's their right. It's a bit like that. But there are a lot of women who do and can't because of all different types of infertility issues for us.

09:57:23:03 - 09:57:12:00
Unknown
Offer me, I'm going to say us because he was not the one that was infertile. It was actually myself. And for some people, their heart, they they know it's hard to admit that, right? It's hard to say that out loud.

09:57:11:21 - 09:56:52:23
Unknown
That's never really been a hard topic for me to talk about. Yet I never thought about it. Yeah. So but it's it's it's unfortunate that that's what it is. And so our journey of trying to conceive of baby was many, many, many years ago.

09:56:52:23 - 09:56:35:18
Unknown
Again, just like in the last episode, we've been together 22 years or 50 years, and this was our first time ever being pregnant on year 15. So again, that's a whole bunch of years of not being pregnant or not conceiving a baby.

09:56:35:12 - 09:56:20:15
Unknown
And for me, I would be willing to be candid. We, I'll be honest. If they don't have a couple of viewers that probably, you know, if we get popular, be like, we're going to get popular view. Like, I know the Negro furloughed because of what happened prior to you.

09:56:20:02 - 09:56:02:03
Unknown
So prior to actually meeting Stacey back in 99 before the 2000, oh, I was a male individual that was a very promiscuous in these streets. I love how he put this because he really sort to say, I'm only going to say that, but I'm appreciative.

09:56:01:21 - 09:55:47:29
Unknown
I was promiscuous in the streets. I was an individual male that I honestly knew what he wanted when he wanted and had the ability to go get what I wanted. So with that being said, I made mistakes when I was younger.

09:55:47:03 - 09:55:23:01
Unknown
It was three pregnancies with females that I really was doing the business with regularly. It led to two miss to two abortion, to what was some miscarriages and one abortion. And then I took a break and had to gather myself because my grandmother told me a long time ago, momma's babies, poppers babies.

09:55:22:21 - 09:55:05:06
Unknown
At the end of the day, I knew who these young ladies were. They were good girls, but I knew that I had been having sex with them regularly unprotected and they were pretty faithful to me. So during that journey kind of met you.

09:55:05:00 - 09:54:48:10
Unknown
Mm hmm. When I was two years removed from high school, you just graduated from high school. So in the back of my mind, I always knew that I had the ability to have kids. So our infertility issues, like she said, came mainly with on her side.

09:54:48:10 - 09:54:34:26
Unknown
So from male, you have a choice to me, you know, in a decision to make. And I said this and I told you this a long time ago when I decided to be with you, it wasn't just because I wanted to have kids, it was because I loved you.

09:54:34:13 - 09:54:17:01
Unknown
So I'm loving you throughout thick and thin. That's what the vows were. So if my decision to marry you proposed to you knowing that we can conceive, that means I'm OK with the rest of my life going forward, knowing that that is something that'll never actually happen.

09:54:16:27 - 09:53:55:19
Unknown
Yeah. And for a long time, you were in denial. Yeah, I'm thinking about what you were still in hopes of, even when we went through the processes, you know, with the fertility clinics, which not a little older now to reflect upon and all he really was doing with hormones in the mother.

09:53:55:14 - 09:53:34:21
Unknown
You know, a person up give you as much hormones as possible and just hoping for the best. Well, that's because was we'll go back a few, a few years. So originally and I really can't even remember how long or when or what year or whatever in 2007, 2008, maybe, maybe around that time.

09:53:34:21 - 09:53:19:05
Unknown
But I bet I was going to my regular, you know, OB-GYN. We were living in Texas at the time and it was just more of OK. They go through their processes as Adobe game of that can treat fertility because some can't something that some teens some do with, some don't.

09:53:18:24 - 09:53:00:04
Unknown
But this particular doctor that I've seen in Texas is like, OK, well, have you? Not, you are not I whatever it is, because of course, when you tell the doctor that you've been trying to have a baby and they ask you how long, and it's been more than six months to a year, then you like, OK, then

09:53:00:04 - 09:52:48:11
Unknown
let's see you, Abby. That's the first entity. So I want you to check, right? So she was like, OK, well, you're not our baby. OK, cool. You know, I mean, so let's give you these pills to help that process, OK?

09:52:48:09 - 09:52:32:27
Unknown
And so sometimes I would. Sometimes I was still never conceived me. So I'm going to say probably then not really knowing. I'm like, I'll say, never knowing the seriousness of it, but not really understanding the seriousness of it.

09:52:32:26 - 09:52:21:08
Unknown
It's just more of, OK, that's what it is about is not doing it. I automatically thought, OK, what? I mean, I got to do IVF. That's expensive. We can't afford it. That's really what my mind. So it was it wasn't.

09:52:20:28 - 09:52:06:08
Unknown
It was more of key. My body's not doing this of my body should be doing. This gave me something for it to do. It is still not doing it. Then my mind automatically jump to the most serious, the most seriousness of trying to fix the problem.

09:52:06:07 - 09:51:54:28
Unknown
Mm hmm. And so when in my mind we can afford it, I'm just not even talking about it anymore, but didn't give you this, this shot or something. It did, but that was to make me happy. OK. That was the meeting, I believe.

09:51:54:27 - 09:51:41:02
Unknown
Also help me so ugly or whatever. So because again, if you don't ovulate, then there's no egg release. There is no way they can be fertilized. No conception. So in my mind, then I can also say at that time, not a really the doctor.

09:51:40:28 - 09:51:26:28
Unknown
No, no. And that's why I say thank you, backup. The document dump the whole thing off, even with the procedures that they did. It was just kind of a forced pregnancy and you're going to have multiples because they seem that's were like all these people with twins and triplets.

09:51:26:28 - 09:51:07:29
Unknown
They never had twins, interpreters that went through that had infertility issues that got drugged up with all these different pills and shots and stuff, you basically throwing more eggs down the fallopian tubes. And if the male has a high sperm count, then a probability of multiple pregnancies at the same time or multiple babies was higher because that's

09:51:07:29 - 09:50:52:13
Unknown
what the numbers were back then. It was like, Oh, you're going to have doubles, you're going to have twins, Rebiya triplets, because they basically just looking at statistically, if we get you to add, really, you got more eggs and you get more sperm, then more than likely when need stick is going to do this.

09:50:51:09 - 09:50:29:29
Unknown
And that was it. They didn't treat the problem. They didn't look at it like they got it right in Iraq. Did you find that problem? So that's why I say because we went to the experience of having great doctors, we now just understand this, that we now understand, you know, basically twelve, 13 years later of understanding what

09:50:29:29 - 09:50:14:10
Unknown
needs to be done for everybody, for everybody that that infertile. You know, so being younger and just not really understanding the full scope of what needs to be done because we didn't know we were, we were we were letting doctors tell us what should be done.

09:50:14:10 - 09:49:53:22
Unknown
And they just weren't good doctors. No shots out the doctor Huber. We actually see him today for the first time. Yeah, so we're recording prior to actually seeing him since actually losing our baby Montana. So it's going to be emotional day after this, but really shoutout to him because from a male's perspective, I don't do the research

09:49:53:22 - 09:49:37:25
Unknown
like she does. I'm not in R&D, I'm not going and reading all these clinical terminologies and in all these different things. But this particular infertility specialist down here in southeast Louisiana really spoke in a language that made it easy for me to understand.

09:49:37:25 - 09:49:26:02
Unknown
He articulated for both of us and gave analogy. She's on what I'm looking for, and these are the seven different steps before six different steps before we get to IVF. Let me look through this. Let me look for this.

09:49:25:29 - 09:49:09:18
Unknown
And I love the fact that I'm going to go to work, but I love the fact that he said that I did that before taking a penny. Yes. Before you can take it, it was just initial consultation. So it was is in their whole office was carrying so kind of getting ahead of ourselves on their own.

09:49:09:08 - 09:48:48:23
Unknown
I think that's addressed something people may think about on may not even think about it on infertility issues, does cause problems in a marriage or emotional relations in a relationship period on emotionally sexually. You do find yourselves drifting apart.

09:48:48:14 - 09:48:30:28
Unknown
And it's a battle that you have to fight for. Yeah, I think one of the reasons we actually stayed together, because if we're going to be honest, we're going to be honest. Yeah, there were dark moments where you just was like, basically, you should leave me without even in so many different ways insinuating that, you know, because

09:48:30:28 - 09:48:15:01
Unknown
you felt less than a woman. Yeah. And I chose to help you battle through those demons as much as I possibly can. Let's talk through. All right. Because at the end of the day, when you choose, especially as a married couple, you have to support that person.

09:48:14:13 - 09:47:50:06
Unknown
1,000%. It's 5050. It's no he is. No mean, is we? Yeah. So for those who are suffering with infertility issues, one of the things that I've learned and that's because of some of the men in my lives that had failed, unfortunately, in their first marriages and succeeded in the second because they were young as well, was communicating

09:47:49:25 - 09:47:35:10
Unknown
, Yeah, I was. I was told to communicate no matter what. Top, top. It's it's all about y'all and not everybody else. So in those dark moments when you had it? I force the issue. Yeah, I mean, I made you want to talk about it so you can get past it.

09:47:35:10 - 09:47:15:01
Unknown
So yeah. And again, it's hard and it's so it could be embarrassing. It can be embarrassing. And for me, as a woman, I did. I do. I did feel that I am the only child. I am the oldest grandchild, and in my mind, it's like, I'm never going to be able to give my parents a grandchild.

09:47:15:01 - 09:47:02:20
Unknown
But biologically, and those are people going to say, You can't, you couldn't, though you thought you couldn't physically have kids you could have adopted, you could have, you know, the all different type of options, which is which is definitely the case.

09:47:02:10 - 09:46:53:27
Unknown
But you have to want to do those things and we have the one to do those things. We did talk about adoption and I think one or two of our friends actually insinuated that y'all want to get pregnant.

09:46:53:27 - 09:46:38:15
Unknown
I care to be before you, right? But mentally, that's not what you were. You have to want to do that. You have to want to. And in my mind, I would never want to bring a child into a situation where it's not 100% one.

09:46:38:15 - 09:46:22:20
Unknown
And I loved it and I felt I thought in the back of my mind, I'm going to always think this is not my child, and that's not how anyone should feel adopting the child. So that's why adoption for me, I thought, wasn't because I didn't want to think like that, even if somebody was to take your egg

09:46:22:20 - 09:46:09:09
Unknown
and my sperm and throw it up there with JJ. I mean, that's a surrogacy and something totally different. But we never really discussed the surrogacy, but it was more about the adoption then, because again, at the time, we didn't know.

09:46:09:01 - 09:45:52:19
Unknown
I didn't know that. I just knew I had PCOS, which was it, which is polycystic ovary syndrome. And that causes your body not to IBD. So I just knew that I didn't know anything else past it. And in my mind, I thought, OK, I can't.

09:45:52:19 - 09:45:36:00
Unknown
I believe I can have a baby when in reality, you had to find the right doctor. So explain how that goes, how that works, what needs to be done to to seek the option of actually avoiding to conceive a baby?

09:45:35:19 - 09:45:25:09
Unknown
And so for years and years and years and years, I just got in this and it's kind of gave up like, OK, babies means to have a baby will get pregnant one day. Maybe, if not, then you know it is what it is.

09:45:25:09 - 09:45:07:12
Unknown
So it wasn't until recently recently, like I got on a stool, wasn't it so recently that, you know, my great gynecologist, which she actually tried a couple of years ago, years in the past as well? OK, you're not advocating this is what we should do.

09:45:07:11 - 09:44:49:24
Unknown
Yeah. You know, went through that process. I read it a few times, but still never conceive. So now we know, at least at that time. Now I know that I actually can. Only because when she was giving me was making me, obviously because I would take the blood test, get my blood drawn, and it would show that

09:44:49:24 - 09:44:27:02
Unknown
I believe it, but I still never was able to get pregnant. So. So let's talk about the one thing you just said, and it's I think for most people who have PCOS. Just like any other person, there is a cause and effect to whatever the reason, you're truly not conceiving correct.

09:44:26:28 - 09:44:05:21
Unknown
There is an actual reason. Yes, there is a reason. And one of the things we and I mean, for me, I failed or I didn't push the issue anymore because it was such a sensitive subject of nonconsensual, you know, to where if I was to bring this up, I think you would revert into a depressive state.

09:44:05:06 - 09:43:48:09
Unknown
So I let it go. And the fact that you did a majority of all the research, I allowed you to do that because that was in your wheelhouse. Again, as a man, I'm sitting up there when my history knowing that I'm not the issue, but I'm not going to keep bringing it up if if that's going to

09:43:48:09 - 09:43:35:16
Unknown
make you feel less than. Yeah. But I think if we would, I really took a step back or had someone else really go, there's a cause and there's an effect. Have they did this? Have they did that? Have they did this?

09:43:35:06 - 09:43:12:03
Unknown
Because as a medical professional, we entrusted them to go through the steps necessary to give us the information that we needed to actually be pregnant. Those were the things that we did consistently. And when we didn't have the we weren't equipped enough to really go.

09:43:11:19 - 09:43:00:27
Unknown
What was step one? Did you look for this? Did you look for that? Did you look for this? Did you look for that? We didn't know those different things and we entrusted them and basically like to me, they were they were terrible.

09:43:00:27 - 09:42:48:01
Unknown
And what they did, they just went with the results of, I'm going to give you these drugs, I'm a pump you up, and then I see if they stick to the wall. All right. So that is not. It did.

09:42:47:24 - 09:42:29:15
Unknown
OK, so you have a video camera consistently kind of gets tired at times. It does. It does again, technical difficulties. But we're going to ride through these and we're going to figure it out. Oh, wait week because I can edit this bottom.

09:42:29:12 - 09:42:12:20
Unknown
Yeah. So with that being said, you know, at the end of the day, we entrusted doctors who were staffed and professional and were supposed to be doing what they needed to do. But to this journey, and this is one of the reasons I feel great about ushering in the cause and effect.

09:42:11:28 - 09:41:58:24
Unknown
Come to find out you had blockage in your fallopian tubes. Yeah. So and the crazy part about it is went through that with the previous doctor in Texas, OK, went through that, went through the OK, you're not ovulating, you're not conceiving.

09:41:58:18 - 09:41:38:04
Unknown
Let's figure out what the next step was. So did I can't remember the name of the procedure, but I definitely want to put that somewhere in the notes. You know what I'm talking about procedure wise, but basically they insert dye and so you fallopian tubes to see if the dye would travel through fallopian tubes like blocked the

09:41:38:04 - 09:41:23:28
Unknown
sperm, would you? And so they did that then, and nothing was wrong with my tubes. Hmm. So it was then, but it was never. It was never the result after that. Like, OK, so yeah, you tubes are fine.

09:41:23:27 - 09:41:13:13
Unknown
Yeah, OK, so this is right. And it was never that. It was never a follow up about this, but I think you should do next. Or here are the options, or here are some doctors I recommend or it was never that.

09:41:13:13 - 09:40:56:15
Unknown
And I think because, yeah, it was basically just go to the fertility specialist by, you know, just like, figure it out on your own. And at that point, you're so emotional, you're so drained you. So if you're embarrassed, you're just like, you're not getting the well, at least for me, I wasn't getting what I needed, right?

09:40:56:15 - 09:40:40:19
Unknown
Support wise, emotional wise from the person who I thought can give me my answers. And I would say, don't be afraid to find other doctors and talk to other people. That's why I'm talking about these different things will help you overcome the challenges.

09:40:39:25 - 09:40:24:02
Unknown
Because at the end of the day, you know, it's it's unfortunate that you're going through this emotional battle. But if that gynecologist don't seem like they're giving you the information that you need? Go find another one. I don't care how uncomfortable it is.

09:40:24:02 - 09:40:09:07
Unknown
If you prefer a female and female thing really looking out for you, go find a male. If you're looking for someone black and imma go find somebody white Asian. Go find that information that you need, just like a restaurant and you know you have to feel comfortable.

09:40:09:07 - 09:39:57:28
Unknown
You know, you do have to feel comfortable. But at the same time, it's kind of like food, you know, at the same time, you may not want hamburgers all the time because you think you're American. Sometimes you may want some Korean barbecue or whatever the case may be.

09:39:57:28 - 09:39:36:00
Unknown
Go find the person who really can make you feel comfortable in the information that you need to make an educated decision because ultimately with us going back into this earlier this year right off the bat. And again, I'm giving them accolades because of the fact that his presentation at.

09:39:35:27 - 09:39:19:17
Unknown
Information of helping us diagnose these are the several different ways you can get pregnant traditional. Then there's this. Then there's this, then there's this and then there's the most expensive. What we need to find out is traditional conception isn't working.

09:39:19:17 - 09:39:01:29
Unknown
Obviously, you wouldn't be here. Now we need to go from here to here to here to here before I get you there. That made me feel extremely comfortable because now it's like a mechanic diagnosing what is wrong with the fuel injection system and not just saying I need to replace all the ports.

09:39:01:27 - 09:38:47:07
Unknown
Yeah, before me, but started back. We're having a good doctor. Yeah, your gynecologist. Yeah, is thought to have gone to the doctor because yes, you can go, you know, to any infertility clinic, any infertility doctor. Our clinic actually have more than one doctor.

09:38:47:05 - 09:38:21:25
Unknown
Mm-Hmm. But having a great OB-GYN that knows you is going to give a better perspective of what the next step should be in who the next person should that you should go. Hmm. So after, you know, meeting with my gynecologist and she was like, OK, you've done this before you've turned 40, let's try this one more last

09:38:21:25 - 09:38:06:28
Unknown
one. Isn't that right? It was very because again, I have a very good rapport with my doctor. And you know, here is somebody that I think would be able to do what you need to get done, like going to be very transparent with you.

09:38:06:28 - 09:37:50:12
Unknown
And I think, you know, this is a good person to go to. Shoutout to Dr. Veronica Gillespie with actionable. Yeah, she is, but not ahead. Yes, she is so gynecology. So very good information and am her nurse practitioner, Christine, because it was a combination of them too.

09:37:50:01 - 09:37:29:01
Unknown
So after that, it was like met with them next week called the fertility clinic. They were very like transparent and very, very. The bedside manner was great because that was again, even though it was very important. But I'm still feeling that on uneasiness.

09:37:29:01 - 09:37:11:07
Unknown
Like I got to go in about infertility clinic and you know, you still feel uneasy because you just don't know. And so but they made everything feel very seamless from the get go. And then once we got there and his personality got that warm and Juba is his name, his personality, his bedside manner.

09:37:10:27 - 09:36:59:18
Unknown
Him being him, but also being as great as what he and what he does. And he loves what he does. You can tell that the combination of the two is not just a job, is not just a patient.

09:36:58:29 - 09:36:41:16
Unknown
He really understand and see people like, OK, I'm here to help. But all that comes with basically just having, like you said, a gynecologist, a relationship with your doctor that understands you and understands your journey. Because if you don't feel don't do like we did.

09:36:41:03 - 09:36:20:22
Unknown
Don't just take the word of the first. Get a second opinion. Yeah, I give you an example right now and getting houses renovated, I'm asking three different contractors based off of the work that I need for estimate. I'm not just going to go with the first when it comes, because that doesn't necessarily give you the job because

09:36:20:22 - 09:36:08:22
Unknown
you're just giving me an estimate. No, I need to have a conversation with you. I need to understand, you know what you're talking about and you understand the vision I need you to do. It's the same thing with our bodies, our bodies.

09:36:08:22 - 09:35:49:05
Unknown
We shouldn't just take a person's credentials as an M.D. or ADR or a Ph.D.. I don't mean shit if you don't have a good rapport and you can't articulate to me in a way that I can digest and understand and make the right decisions for me and make the right finding somebody else.

09:35:49:01 - 09:35:33:28
Unknown
Yeah, because we, you know, I guess it's what it was twelve years of a void that we could have still been trying, you know, maybe in our emotional toll. Don't get me wrong, but at the same time, at least we wouldn't like, she stated.

09:35:32:17 - 09:35:11:29
Unknown
Basically, we looked at the most expensive solution being the only solution, not even knowing, not even knowing there were other. There were others. And it wasn't really until one of my cousins, they end up getting pregnant through our UI and it who had explained to me what that was, and I was like, We can't buy you.

09:35:11:29 - 09:34:56:24
Unknown
I'm sorry. She was a cousin of mine and actually a friend of mine. Yeah, they both actually got pretty what I was, and I was like, What are you? Mm hmm. I don't even know what I was. I just thought IVF if I've ever heard I have a new infertility, infertility, you're infertile.

09:34:56:24 - 09:34:37:18
Unknown
You've got to have a baby. In-vitro IVF is all I ever knew when there's a whole nother step to us for two other steps prior to that. That's not even close to the price of IVF, which is infertility, infertility, in vitro fertilization instead of in uterine infertility.

09:34:37:11 - 09:34:16:10
Unknown
There's two different things. But Iowa, she won in Iowa. You got to remember the degree of the air because now I know. But again, it was never. So we've basically talking about from 2007 until, I must say, 2010 2012 was when I kind of went with Dr. Veronica.

09:34:16:03 - 09:34:02:15
Unknown
That is what I call a Dr. G. And it's like she did. Her thing was like, Okay, here's what needs to happen. Go from there. And from there, she's like, Okay, you're not conceiving. So she said, You're next up.

09:34:02:15 - 09:33:47:11
Unknown
You go, you're going to need to go to a fertility doctor like I've done all that I can do in my wheelhouse. Here's a few doctors. She gave me a few doctors then, but it was like my mind was always trying to do the IVF.

09:33:46:29 - 09:33:33:12
Unknown
I'm not trying to do IVF. And so that was the thing. You just never know. Oh, wait a minute. Yes. With this go around, you will play out. If I got to do IVF, I'm ready to spin this.

09:33:33:11 - 09:33:14:26
Unknown
I mean, pretty much that's what it was. Wait a minute. You didn't know that. No, obviously I didn't know that. Clearly, you know, I I felt just based on a conversation that we had and what she said and how much she talked about this doctor was like, he's at least going to be able to give you some

09:33:14:26 - 09:33:01:25
Unknown
some options is what was said to me. No, we're not going to mobile past that other one. You just was ready to drop 20. No, she said afterwards. I don't know. I didn't know what options meant. And in my mind, it's like, OK, she can't give me the options anymore.

09:33:01:25 - 09:32:44:06
Unknown
I have to go to this infertility specialist. So give me options. Mind the back of my mind. I'm going, OK, we may have to do IVF option, but again didn't know. And it just goes to show you how literally over a twelve to 13 years man, things changed.

09:32:43:09 - 09:32:27:02
Unknown
No, over twelve or 13 years, man, I had no idea. No really clue about what I knew I was. Oh okay. And I could have right along thought of, like we talking about 30 years better than we could have been trying you, but not even knowing it.

09:32:26:22 - 09:32:07:22
Unknown
Not even get any information from in the previous doctor is crazy. You just said so we had. I know we're not going to mention their names, but those that got pregnant during that time, everybody was going through the same the same day and nobody was there and nobody was sharing and talking about.

09:32:07:22 - 09:31:50:01
Unknown
Nobody was sharing because all of us were over the age of 30. Yep. All of us have been married for a couple of years. All of us were continuously seeing each other consistently and consistently seeing each other and suffering in silence instead of being a support group to one another.

09:31:50:00 - 09:31:33:05
Unknown
Yeah. Wow. It was just more of a. Yeah, I'm going to tell you why. Because we we got pregnant. That was it. It was never a real conversation of, Hey, I have this, this and the other. And this is what I found out, and this is why I have to do what you right?

09:31:33:04 - 09:31:15:21
Unknown
It was never that kind of like, here's a conversation we're going to go together. Yeah. Oh yeah, we even got dinner together, and we do celebrate birthdays and holidays and never really sit down and have a real serious conversation about what happened to all of our bodies and how we can help each other.

09:31:15:15 - 09:31:01:10
Unknown
Wow. Yeah. I just realized that an epiphany moment. Yeah. Oh, like when you say that because it literally they both got pregnant back to back? Yeah. And it was like, the children are the same age. Yes, yes. Same.

09:31:00:15 - 09:30:48:13
Unknown
We all pretty much going through the same thing. But again, that's why you should be not afraid. If if you don't trust your circle, find a new circle of trust. Yeah. And in first of all, you need to trust one another.

09:30:47:11 - 09:30:37:06
Unknown
That's the first thing. That's the first thing. first thing with one another. You have to be on the same page. I tell people this all the time. A marriage is like a business. You know, you have to have a CFO.

09:30:37:05 - 09:30:22:18
Unknown
You have to have a CEO. Somebody's got to take care of the House with the bills. Everybody has a role to play. And at the end of the day, if you don't play that role of leader position, I'll hold that person accountable for the things that need to be done in your household.

09:30:22:10 - 09:30:00:08
Unknown
Your household will be doomed to fail. Yeah, you can't expect somebody to understand what your expectation is if you don't give them your expectations. And when it comes to your outside circle, it's the same thing. You know, if we I know now what we know, then this conversation may not even be happening right now on this level

09:30:00:08 - 09:29:45:00
Unknown
. And if it was, it will probably be a different viewpoint, a vantage point. So I mean, it's crazy. It is. So again, we went through that for many number of years, and PCOS is not something that can be cured.

09:29:44:15 - 09:29:24:12
Unknown
It's something that you just can manage just with your, you know, your lifestyle changes the way you eat, the way you exercise, or those type of different things. But when you have PCOS, it is very unlikely that you will get pregnant on your own, whether it's and it's normal, it's normal.

09:29:24:11 - 09:29:08:22
Unknown
It is definitely a norm. It is. Millions of women suffer with this particular cause. When we walked inside of the fertility clinic and I've seen all those couples there. It was crazy. It was the conversation we had. It was like not just a one off.

09:29:08:10 - 09:28:45:29
Unknown
Right in here, they had couples coming in and out like they were going to Chick-Fil-A, like deadlines alone. But, you know, as a man, if your partner is suffering with anything that is preventing them from conceiving and that's something that you want, you need to really have a real conversation with them.

09:28:45:27 - 09:28:30:27
Unknown
You have to communicate because it could be the guy you know it could be. So you have to you have to you, you're going to have to take that bravely step and take and give them a good bit of courage between the two of you and the man will have to put his prior to side.

09:28:30:24 - 09:28:15:09
Unknown
You can either walk in a little room or watch the little VHS. In a nutshell, they don't give you a little dry paper towels. It's don't cut the little light out below curtain back. I don't know what you need to think about, but you know, going around and just rub one out.

09:28:15:02 - 09:27:55:11
Unknown
It is what it is and walk. It won't be long juice all over in a cup to the repeat. OK, Michael, you know, again, that is not helping somebody. I mean, proud to do that, but basically put your priorities and so that you can get your sperm tested right is to actually know what's best for you.

09:27:55:09 - 09:27:44:12
Unknown
So dramatic with with. No, I mean, I mean, it's the rule. You ain't going. You can't do it at home. You know, you can't do it at home and then just go ahead on and try to get in traffic and then try to drop it off.

09:27:44:12 - 09:27:32:18
Unknown
It's a time limit to the time. So you have to it's best to do it at the clinic, you know, and nobody going to know who you are. Just walk us in a bit, do what you need to do and get the results that you need.

09:27:32:14 - 09:27:18:20
Unknown
So for a guy, I'm going to clean this up for him and for us, for a guy. When there is a thing to see infertility, of course you're testing your sperm. And so there's many different ways that they do that.

09:27:18:20 - 09:27:07:01
Unknown
But I guess it will be important that you do it in their pituitary gland and not their own. So that way, they can get the sperm and a certain amount of time. Right. Because sperm dies within a certain amount of time and in certain temperature.

09:27:07:00 - 09:26:50:08
Unknown
Right. So that's what guys have to do to have the courage to do that. And young women, it's a whole nother situation because it just depends. It can be fallopian tubes, it can be your eggs. It can be a low egg count of no account, no abolition.

09:26:50:08 - 09:26:37:12
Unknown
It can be so many different things. It can be scarring. It can be so many different things because in effect, that is causing you not to conceive because you can, obviously, I believe, but it's just not coming down.

09:26:37:11 - 09:26:23:05
Unknown
The sperm is not getting to the egg, and that's what happened with us. So after all of the testing that end up going, so we end up going after my doctor, after my gynecologist preferred Dr. Hoover, we made the appointment.

09:26:22:22 - 09:26:07:08
Unknown
He was very hard to get an appointment with, but my doctor was able to get that in. Thank you again, Dr. G, and got there, you know, have a consultation. And he said we needed to be done, started their process or the process was to figure out exactly what it is.

09:26:06:21 - 09:25:55:00
Unknown
You're not ovulating. Okay, are you or I'm leaving sometimes. But what's the reason that when you do, I mean, you're still not even the sperm is still not with the eggs. So of course, at this point, I am actually 40.

09:25:54:16 - 09:25:36:20
Unknown
Hmm. So his words to us was but because you have PCOS, which with PCOS and we backed up with PCOS, I didn't have irregular cycles sometimes. So that means some month me past where I didn't have a cycle.

09:25:36:08 - 09:25:17:01
Unknown
And so of course, we're not. Of course, when you're not having a cycle, then that means no eggs are being released. So that means over the years that I've had PCOS, which probably means that I've been a teenager, that just means my egg count was a little bit higher than would have normally have been at my age

09:25:17:01 - 09:24:58:26
Unknown
of 40 because I didn't actually release a every single month since I've had a cycle. So just the way I explained it to you guys, how simple that was, that's exactly how he said it. And in more terms of talking about the Saints was we were both Saints fans, so he made me understand what a Superdome the

09:24:58:26 - 09:24:46:23
Unknown
Superdome analogy of certain sections of how you know the way your body works, the way your body RB leads, the way eggs are released, how they are school or how many you have as you get older in age.

09:24:46:08 - 09:24:28:02
Unknown
And but again, they have to be released as well. So because I was not releasing eggs every month, that means my account was not the age 40. But more on the age 30, each is well, we'll see. And so he was like, if that's the case was we'll see what the testing, then that means we have a

09:24:28:02 - 09:24:16:16
Unknown
good possibility that I can work right instead of going all the way to the extreme spectrum of what I thought the entire time was IBM. And it worked the first time. But first time and it worked the second time.

09:24:16:14 - 09:23:58:00
Unknown
Right? So once I got, you know, once he got all of my bloodwork back and all the tests they needed to see, he said, I think that you will go continue to do our, you know, he said, you have the option of doing a iwai by yourself or you have the option of doing you with the enhancement

09:23:58:00 - 09:23:36:24
Unknown
of other drugs. The other drugs would be to do a shot to make me ideally at a certain time and to give me a better chance of the eye, which is them actually inserting Michael sperm into my cervix directly while I'm Avi, I believe.

09:23:36:21 - 09:23:25:17
Unknown
So at that point, they knew exactly what I'm operating in. Exactly what test to do, see when I'm going to arrive laser that they can schedule the actual procedure to insert his firm into my cervix. It's a medical threesome.

09:23:24:00 - 09:23:08:02
Unknown
I guess so. This is the type of things that I deal with two guys. And so, you know, he explained it to me, but again, very, very cut and dry. Very simple, very understandable. And you had a female that did the procedure.

09:23:07:23 - 09:22:50:05
Unknown
And so the very first time he was unknown, but he did have a female procedure. And I really got pregnant the very first time I did have a miscarriage at six weeks from it. And then he did say at the time, like once we found out that I was pregnant, it was more of, OK, we're going to

09:22:50:05 - 09:22:33:26
Unknown
be optimistically cautious because anything can go wrong at any time within the first trimester, which most ladies know every night Photoshop day. So six weeks I had a miscarriage. He was like, God came in. He was like, I feel like we got this on the first try.

09:22:33:13 - 09:22:17:04
Unknown
Hmm. Right. It's up to you and Michael to decide if you want to try again, if you want to wait a little bit. But I think you know you should try again, you know, on your next cycle. Well, the next cycle came and we did it and I pregnant again immediately.

09:22:16:25 - 09:21:58:10
Unknown
And it's just crazy because you look at a void of understanding word PCOS is right, understanding what the cause and effect is. Right? And for a decade and a half of marriage, we don't have kids. But here it is right.

09:21:58:10 - 09:21:34:22
Unknown
Gynecologists, the right infertility doctor, understanding the mechanics of the body of of the profession in which they work. And understanding me specifically understanding specifically what it is that my body needed to conceive is what the key was. Because again, the entire time it was, IVF and IVF has not even been on a table at all, at all

09:21:34:14 - 09:21:16:02
Unknown
because they need it. So that's that's kind of, you know, where my optimism like I said today, we're going for the first time back into their office and I remember when we were being released from them. Yeah. Oh my God, they were.

09:21:16:02 - 09:20:56:08
Unknown
The office was elated. Yeah, they were all excited and happy and come back with photos. Make sure you remember Megan is an American baby. I'm like, Of course. And that atmosphere, I actually have referred three different individuals since we got pregnant, who was clients of mine talking.

09:20:56:08 - 09:20:44:27
Unknown
I was like, You need to go try to get in his office over here because it was it was such a warm your home. There were cheerleaders. They were friends and family that you didn't even know you had.

09:20:44:08 - 09:20:30:28
Unknown
They were cheering for you, any leader for you. And that's what you won during this process, especially with the mental strain of the relationship not feeling like a man, not feeling like a woman. You have frustrated. You're not talking.

09:20:30:28 - 09:20:18:09
Unknown
You're drinking, you're coping. You're not having sex because the lack of of of lust is not there due to the fact. What's the point in some mental? Yeah, what's the point in having sex when I can't have a kid?

09:20:17:26 - 09:19:58:03
Unknown
You know, what is that? So all of those different things are plaguing on you, and the solution can be just getting just the information you need from the right person, the right individuals. So it comes back to speaking to people specifically on asking them questions.

09:19:58:02 - 09:19:43:22
Unknown
I mean, we live in the day and age where we have access to everything, and I always say these people have access to everything and don't understand nothing, right? Google knew that the Google gynecologist, you don't have to settle for the one you have.

09:19:43:22 - 09:19:22:21
Unknown
If they're not giving you the information, you then say you can Google gynecologists, but this is what we've been saying the entire time. X somebody, right? I actually found Dr. G because I asked somebody about the kind of guy a good gynecologist and what would would they experience was because my thing was I had already experience a

09:19:22:21 - 09:19:08:18
Unknown
bad one. Back to New Orleans is like, OK, I'm about to do that again. I mean, I need to know I need to at that point. I mean, read some reviews. Let me just do a little bit more research in depth than I did with the first one and one of the first that particular one in Texas

09:19:08:04 - 09:18:53:14
Unknown
and every single review, every single person I've talked to able like she is, her bedside manner is great. She's very knowledgeable. She cares about our patients like all those things were very important. But you have to know what kind of doctor you want, right?

09:18:53:03 - 09:18:36:27
Unknown
You got to know. You have to know what kind of got to know you. You have to be in tune with yourself. I knew I wanted an African-American doctor. I knew I wanted African-American woman doctor. That was very important to me, and because I just knew that what I had, I knew I had PCOS.

09:18:36:27 - 09:18:16:12
Unknown
So I wanted somebody who understood a black woman's body and want to see in a black woman's body more than another black woman. I'm just being honest. And so but also, I wanted to make sure that black. Woman was still transparent enough and knowledgeable enough to understand me and get it, you know, you get it together.

09:18:16:12 - 09:18:04:28
Unknown
And so when my first meeting, I knew that we were going to be cool, it was going to be good. So you have to understand what you're looking for first in order to find it so difficult for the males to account for the males.

09:18:04:28 - 09:17:54:09
Unknown
two At the end of the day, you know, male infertility, low sperm count or whatever, it could be a sports injury, it could be hereditary. Or, you know, at the end of the day, go get the information that you need.

09:17:54:09 - 09:17:40:04
Unknown
There's still ways that you know they could probably freeze your sperm into. There is another, I don't know, I'm not going through that, but I'm quite sure where any cause and effect there's still way for y'all to conceive right and have kids know you have to know.

09:17:40:04 - 09:17:19:10
Unknown
You have to ask the hard questions. You have to be honest with one another in order to move forward. Yeah, marriage isn't easy and it is relationships. Aren't you married to a whole nother episode? Relationships and marriages are another episode, but at the end of the day, it does come down to communication consistently, even in awkward moments

09:17:19:10 - 09:16:56:28
Unknown
. It's it's communicating and being able to trust one another's opinions and take one another's opinions for what they are their own opinions. So by them being opinions, you can hold a person like you let that person speak their truth basically and hear that truth, digest their truth and don't don't can be combative.

09:16:56:06 - 09:16:41:03
Unknown
That's the only way you're going to overcome and succeed, especially with infertility issues, because it will be easy for any man out there who's, Oh, I'm just, you know, my my dick worked with my sperm work and I want a kid and you go have an outside relationship and now.

09:16:39:17 - 09:16:22:13
Unknown
You know, you have a kid by somebody else. Well, your household will be a household of mom. I mean, you know, I actually have an example of that from a past client recently. Yeah, yeah. It was the most awkward event I've ever been at in my life.

09:16:22:05 - 09:16:00:17
Unknown
Yeah. Due to the fact that they had fertility issues and a young lady, they took the steps. He was the issue from what I understood. Oh, and then he had an outside relationship and got somebody else pregnant while the wife that he's been with for four or five years just got pregnant and that girl was told through

09:16:00:17 - 09:15:47:02
Unknown
social media. So all it takes is communication counseling in order to be in it together and going to be in it together or be apart. And again, as it's for you guys to decide, you have to be comfortable with each other.

09:15:47:01 - 09:15:32:12
Unknown
Yes, you have to have those hard conversations with each other because I mean, as your life partner, period. So if you can't have more conversations with your partner, then why are you together again or another topic for another day?

09:15:32:07 - 09:14:59:05
Unknown
So you have a choice? So yeah, we're going to go ahead on in there. And of course, in my my podcast what the trans prurient moment of the week. And this week's transparent moment of the week when it comes to infertility after 40 is basically what we've been saying the entire time, but I just have to stress

09:14:59:05 - 09:14:36:01
Unknown
it highlighted at the end of this podcast. You have to communicate with your partner. You have to communicate. You have to, you know, put their parents at the side. Had the courage to get the information, to know what it is to know exactly why you are infertile or why or who is infertile in your relationship, because ultimately

09:14:36:01 - 09:14:24:01
Unknown
, there's a sperm and egg that's needed to conceive. And if you don't know if the sperm is the issue or the egg is the issue, then you're never going to get that ultimate goal, which is a beautiful baby.

09:14:23:18 - 09:14:06:18
Unknown
So you have to start with talking to yourself in and being honest with yourself and then being honest with your partner about what it is that you both want as a couple and then getting that information, getting the right information.

09:14:06:18 - 09:13:52:29
Unknown
And if you feel like you're not getting the right information, find the right information. Whether it's Google or finding the right doctor will ultimately have the hard conversation with yourself. Having a conversation with your partner, figuring out what it is that you both want.

09:13:52:29 - 09:13:39:20
Unknown
So that way we can figure out what the infertility issue is. Know what your cause and effect is, and then ultimately make a decision on what's the best thing for you to conceive. So I hope you all enjoyed this episode.

09:13:38:17 - 09:13:22:12
Unknown
Please don't forget to follow us. Ali, 40. It's L got a f o r t y on social media. Again, it's like 140 pancakes. Okay? You said the.


Into
Who's Infertile
Decision
Good vs Bad
Issues
PCOS
Dr Relationship
Shared Pain
Communicate
Simple Explanation
Graduation Day
Transparent Moment