Life After Forty

Miscarriage After Forty

November 25, 2021 Staci A Season 1 Episode 1
Transcript Chapter Markers

09:59:26:11 - 09:58:58:14
Unknown
All right. We're also welcome to life after 40. The very, very first episode, and it's a good, touchy feely. The reason that these packers even started is the topic of miscarriage after 40. So that's pretty much what we're going to discuss kind of go into our miscarriage journey.

09:58:58:08 - 09:58:39:14
Unknown
Unfortunately, I have my husband. Mr Lewis here. Of course, anyone who knows him knows that's not the kind of personality he has this bill dragged her hand. But yeah, so today we're going to going to touch on a story.

09:58:39:08 - 09:58:18:10
Unknown
Start from the actual miscarriage journey, the actual part of double talk about infertility. I mean, this whole show was we agree that we would do the miscarries, and that's kind of where the the whole idea of the package is kind of started.

09:58:17:12 - 09:58:00:00
Unknown
He actually came up with the hashtag her people help people. So it was only right. I think that we started with the reason that this was even an idea of. Now, it's a fusion of actually having a packers.

09:57:59:15 - 09:57:35:22
Unknown
So with the where you want to be, you know, and I guess in the beginning, God made Adam see that that's that's the mike got everyone kind of knows. As far as the actual things go, so again, episodes, it's basically total miscarriage of before he went.

09:57:35:13 - 09:57:20:18
Unknown
So I would say, let's start where the reason we decided to like tell people. OK, so and then we'll get into what happened. So, you know, and that ties into, I guess, your next episode with me would be.

09:57:19:17 - 09:57:07:10
Unknown
Yeah, we're going to talk about it. So this episode is a bit scared you have before. All right. So this is going to be the teary, teary eyed when. All right. Let's hope now. But it is what it is.

09:57:07:01 - 09:56:48:10
Unknown
But basically so I guess Adobe, you know, to start it. It started when the pregnancy part first pregnancy happened 40 because you're terrified in March. That's not the topic, but OK. No, I mean, but I mean, instead of just diving straight into, oh, that was the miscarriage, just kind of like left what I would prefer to walk

09:56:48:10 - 09:56:35:22
Unknown
along the lines of how it all came into the pregnancy part, not really infertility to be just a pregnancy that I just thought about this year, OK? It didn't lead up to, you know, everything else. OK, we can do that.

09:56:35:16 - 09:56:16:26
Unknown
So, you know, so pregnancy before it would be something totally different. We'll talk about that too, but it'll be another write, another book. So pretty much. one of the reasons why she started the podcast came about was mostly at the end of the day when we lost Montana, we were in a process the night before of actually

09:56:16:26 - 09:55:56:18
Unknown
confirming the announcement to the world. And then and I'm talking like in communication with that individual, confirming details specifically on, Hey, here comes the rest of everybody else who we have until telling. So in that process here the next day.

09:55:56:09 - 09:55:38:24
Unknown
And ultimately, I get a call from I'm at work, I get a call from her and it's like, Stop what you're doing where you get into a room. Oh, I'm lean and lightweight, but so I get to her in like five minutes.

09:55:38:07 - 09:55:16:03
Unknown
Oh, gets out of hospital? Oh, really? Is and any other. But I'm a back up to you. Turning 40 this year was your 40th birthday. Oh, basically did a style photo shoot was about the rebranding to Stacy? eight Already, right?

09:55:15:25 - 09:54:57:24
Unknown
Oh, everything was progressively moving in that direction. And then here you're Oberg tells you a your body look like it's acting like you're young again or whatever you call the police out of college. Dark. I thought you said it will be J like no other party.

09:54:57:24 - 09:54:40:10
Unknown
I'm like, Wait, what? No, he in a man's right. No, no, no, no. But when your doctor told you, I think it's time for you to try again because your body's acting in a certain way. Right? This is not how we envisioned 2021 during a pandemic.

09:54:40:00 - 09:54:24:12
Unknown
No, at all. No. Wasn't even on our list of things to do. So that conversation came to me. What do you think about it? And you know, we'll probably get in more details of the whole infertility. But at that point, I got a very nonchalant attitude anyway.

09:54:24:12 - 09:54:01:11
Unknown
So I'm like, No, whatever. Oh, that's what he said about trying to have a coffee break. Yeah, whatever. Whatever, whatever. Oh, but Dr. The panel met this wonderful guy who was very and we'll talk about any and all of your doctor named stuff like that in that episode, right?

09:54:01:10 - 09:53:47:06
Unknown
Again, this is my character point. So pretty much back to the gentleman. At the end of the day, we had a first procedure done, which was on May 21st. He's still talking about, No, I'm fat and won't get to the miscarriage.

09:53:47:05 - 09:53:33:03
Unknown
Okay? But that was the chemical pregnancy. Yeah. So, you know, had a lot going on and we did it again. So maybe I'm a partner there. So yes, a chemical pregnancy. Most people don't know. I didn't know what that even was.

09:53:31:17 - 09:53:14:07
Unknown
That is a form of a miscarriage. And so we had a chemical pregnancy, which would have been typically at week five of pregnancy. So that was actually offers in the scares. So yeah, yeah. So right after they talked about it, let's do it again.

09:53:12:19 - 09:52:55:19
Unknown
So the reason again, the miscarriage in this conversation is happening with us is we've been together 22 years. Yes, Michael. We've been married 15 years. Yes, Michael. Yes. So the chemical pregnancy was our actual first confirmed pregnancy, Montana with our first confirmed baby.

09:52:53:05 - 09:52:37:27
Unknown
So with all that, we go through the procedure again and now we're a little bit more keeping it close to your chest because of the first incident. Right? So you take the number of years, 22 years together, 15 years Mary first pregnancy.

09:52:37:14 - 09:52:23:08
Unknown
It's a very emotional toll to be 40 years old and having to deal with this for the first time after you really have written it off for so long. And again, and I. Before we lost him, we were confirming to actually announce to people that we haven't announced, too, that we were pregnant.

09:52:22:12 - 09:52:01:00
Unknown
So they had a pregnancy. She calls me up. I mean, they had a miscarriage. I'm sorry. Data miscarriage. Shall we get into the whole golden plate announcement to the families and stuff like that? Um, as far as I feel as though that is part of the reason why I need to die for me, then you can get

09:52:01:00 - 09:51:49:14
Unknown
up. You can you can do up to that and that can because that's basically the part of the miscarriage. You know, part of the pregnancy is basically the part of the infertility. Yeah, it's all kind of set way that way together, too.

09:51:49:14 - 09:51:34:24
Unknown
Unfortunately, you know, the ending is a miscarriage, just like the pregnancy is the ending of the pregnancy. And then there's the infertility. You know, there's all those different windows through a pregnancy you can see major because that's basically what this is for us.

09:51:34:19 - 09:51:17:07
Unknown
All right. So in this marriage, I'm gonna talk to one, OK, you're going catch that I'm the one that's going to be like, Let's talk about this. Oh, so bottom line was our anniversary is August fourth. We decided to do a cute little thing for our closest people, our closest circle.

09:51:17:06 - 09:51:04:18
Unknown
So mind you, this is our 15 year anniversary, the 15 year anniversary, so everybody thinks they're coming up to the house for dinner. We basically got a dinner plan and we got this presentation. We got a videographer there chronologically.

09:51:04:18 - 09:50:48:00
Unknown
Hey, this is our 15 year anniversary. We do this little presentation about us and our businesses and our projection of businesses. And at the end of the projection was March 2020. A baby, Louis is coming right? So they basically had a sonogram picture.

09:50:48:00 - 09:50:34:25
Unknown
Yes. A kind of Lucas presentation that we gave our closest family and friends of them thinking is just our anniversary dinner at the very end of that slide show, and I think it was announcing they went for it.

09:50:34:05 - 09:50:15:03
Unknown
So of course, everybody's teary. I enjoy jump for joy. You know, it's been a long time coming, so everybody was really it's that we got that and still kept it close to the chest because Stacy's dad lives in Dallas, so we didn't want the world to tell him before she had an opportunity to tell him.

09:50:13:21 - 09:49:52:22
Unknown
Hurricane night again. Yeah, we had already planned on going to Dallas for Labor Day weekend or Hurricane Isaac. And so of course we were good because we have a generator and everybody was at our house comfortable. So we flew out to Dallas, still continue with that trip, told him and my brother and other close friends and associates

09:49:52:22 - 09:49:40:01
Unknown
that's been on his journey with us for a number of years, right? Filmed all that recorded all that got everybody's reaction in. And quite frankly, you know, for me, I don't think we ever talked about this for me.

09:49:39:20 - 09:49:21:09
Unknown
I felt such love and support and enduring words from people. When they found out that we was pregnant, it was just like emotionally overwhelming because at that point you kind of knew who were there for you and who was rooting against you and everybody that we truly, truly chose to tell in person were hurtful.

09:49:20:22 - 09:49:06:07
Unknown
Exciting. It was like, Oh my God. Like, they couldn't believe they couldn't believe it. They were overly excited. And it was just, you know, it was it was a really good feeling, a kind of feeling you would want a couple to have when they tell somebody, Hey, we're pregnant.

09:49:05:05 - 09:48:47:04
Unknown
That's that it was the response you really wanted. So fast forward back in wall and now we like hide, so it's time to tell everybody else. And that day when she called me, you know, my heart kind of stopped in dropped and roll.

09:48:47:04 - 09:48:35:02
Unknown
But I'm also like, I this is what I know I need to do. I need to get out of the hospital ASAP. I need to be calm because if I'm freaking out, she freaking out, she freaking out. I need to calm her down.

09:48:33:24 - 09:48:14:17
Unknown
So did all those different things to get the needle moving, if you will, and in the hospital? Yeah. So I'll kind of back off the he and giving you guys perspective outback too. So he's giving you a good pre-requisite basically that day.

09:48:12:14 - 09:47:58:21
Unknown
So that morning, I kind of woke up and I've always when doing my pregnancy, when I wake up in the morning, I'm always I was always hangry, just angry. I'm just like, No, I'll get up. I'm hungry. Any man has been pregnant before.

09:47:58:21 - 09:47:42:16
Unknown
They kind of understand that. So when I woke up, I was just like, very hungry. Not really like painful. Slight rise might be but nothing like abnormal. You just have pains when pregnancy. So I'm like, OK, let me just eat something, so I eat something.

09:47:40:24 - 09:47:26:18
Unknown
It was like, OK, I still feel a little hot or whatever. It's kind of half who, and he's already gone because we had a wedding that weekend, so he's prepping for that. We had a rehearsal that evening. So he's got to get ready for the event.

09:47:26:18 - 09:47:09:24
Unknown
Premiere for that. I'm just, you know, trying to start my day. Yeah, OK. So again, technical difficulty. The Guinness episode one. Yo. OK. All right. Yeah. So as I say, I got up that morning and ate something and I ate something.

09:47:09:24 - 09:46:57:14
Unknown
I still felt just a little off like, OK, how much of this is in my body? To how much is laid out a little bit longer because again, I was preparing to get up and do needs to be done for our events.

09:46:57:14 - 09:46:43:17
Unknown
But that weekend and so lay down, I actually end up falling asleep. And when I woke up, it was kind of close to my time. I'm like, OK, I'm hungry again. So let me just eat something. And at this point we're looking for is to eat something.

09:46:43:16 - 09:46:32:29
Unknown
You have to get up. You got to get things going. You got to just kind of move around to be, you don't feel like it, but you've got to you got to be ready to do so. Eat some lunch.

09:46:32:17 - 09:46:16:24
Unknown
And after my lunch, I kind of got a little bit of like, All right, cool, let me get up and start my day and get things going. And it's all virtually. As soon as I stood up, I literally just felt like a glass of water.

09:46:16:08 - 09:45:58:02
Unknown
I'm like, OK, in lockdown. It wasn't what it was, actually, but. And so at that point, I'm like, OK, I know I'm just not supposed to happen. So I kind of freaked out for a second, but I'm like, Also, OK, I don't know.

09:45:58:02 - 09:45:47:02
Unknown
This is my first pregnancy. I don't know. So I just knew that was supposed to happen. Never, really. So, I mean, you went to the restroom. Was it a restroom? So I did the more blood. OK, I'm good at it, like right now.

09:45:47:02 - 09:45:34:07
Unknown
So that's when I called him. No, I didn't call on one birth. That's the first thing. He asked me, What are you going to call the 911? I'm like, because I just want, I don't know. It's like it's an emergency, but I don't know if it's an emergency, but I need you here.

09:45:33:15 - 09:45:22:09
Unknown
If my are you at work? Because if you're at work, then you're not that far away. So sure enough, he got for me visually, if I'm in a job right now, stay five minutes away. We don't, we don't get five minutes away.

09:45:22:04 - 09:45:09:11
Unknown
He immediately got maybe seven, but never no more seven minutes. I know it was a bunch of red lights and people got ran over. So, you know, you know, I'm throwing clothes on. Do whatever I need to do got there.

09:45:08:26 - 09:44:52:25
Unknown
And I didn't say I was feeling pain then, but maybe a little bit more than I felt when I woke up that morning. But again, when I woke up this morning, it wasn't something that I was alarmed to because again, I was always in some type of uncomfortable feeling, just being pregnant.

09:44:52:14 - 09:44:40:17
Unknown
So that's why I thought it was. But at this point after, you know, the gush of blood or whatever it was, I was a little bit of pain. Baseball would come to find out. That probably was me starting to be labor.

09:44:40:00 - 09:44:19:04
Unknown
So he gets me to the emergency room. He will be with the wheelchair and do all your regular a little check and you know what's going on and tell him you're bringing all that good stuff. And at that point, I literally wasn't in pain and wasn't bleeding.

09:44:18:03 - 09:44:08:18
Unknown
So when I say they're, you know, kind of, you know, ask me what happened and I told them what happened at home, they were like, OK, well, that's a good sign. That's pretty much you're now beating him. Were you not really any pain?

09:44:08:18 - 09:43:56:23
Unknown
But let's just go through the whole protocol of then let's make sure baby's OK. So of course, making sure your baby's OK, that ultrasound and everything else prior to that, you got to do urine tests and blood tests and all that good stuff.

09:43:56:08 - 09:43:40:26
Unknown
So in the process of waiting on the ultrasound, went to the restroom, wasn't beating again, still waiting for ultrasound in the emergency room. And I'm like, OK, I'm starting to feel a little bit of pain, but not anything too crazy.

09:43:38:26 - 09:43:15:28
Unknown
But it was a baby. And so I finally get through the ultrasound and, you know, just taking ultrasound. Now, I'm not sure how most women do when they go to the doctor and you get an ultrasound. But I know from my experience, from our infertility, visit our first couple of visits when I wrote a couple of it

09:43:15:28 - 09:43:03:13
Unknown
because we had already seen our OB-GYN that much, that much. But the few times that we did go, but you know, they're talking to you. You do just that. You kind of just say, OK, baby's fine or whatever, whatever.

09:43:02:27 - 09:42:49:05
Unknown
So I'm waiting for. The girl was doing my ultrasound to kind of say, OK, I see this, I see that, you know, I'm really like, OK, I'm looking for, I'm asking these things. You do your heartbeat. Here are me because I'm not hearing anything.

09:42:49:05 - 09:42:33:27
Unknown
She's not saying anything. And so I'm in there for about a good five minutes. And she hasn't been anything. So I'm like. I remember me looking at her name tag and just say her name was like, OK. And I remember the name of someone just April, April eight, you know?

09:42:32:07 - 09:42:15:08
Unknown
And she looked at me and she was like, Well, I can't really say anything bad, and I can't really say anything good in the world how she said it. And the look in her face like the combination. Like, I think that was a moment that I knew.

09:42:14:24 - 09:41:58:17
Unknown
Hmm. So I think there was a moment I knew because I have never heard anybody seen doing an ultrasound that I can't tell you anything or I can't tell you anything. To me, that just that just let me know something was bad that she was seen.

09:41:57:23 - 09:41:44:08
Unknown
So let me stop you there. So even before we even got to this part of the miscarriage, you had spotted a couple of weeks prior to that? Yeah. So that was that was on a twelve week, but a 14.

09:41:43:22 - 09:41:27:20
Unknown
That was the eleven. But was it eleven, eleven or twelve in September there? No, because it was before Hurricane Ida was before. No, it wasn't. It wasn't happening. I got it on film. It was after after wedding came back off the phone.

09:41:27:15 - 09:41:13:16
Unknown
No off the plane. Yes, it is. Now I have the feeling, no, I guarantee you it's not because of the way your husband thinks he's right, you guys. And he's not. Hey, we got this recorded. Yes, all 19th recorded was actually recorded.

09:41:13:14 - 09:40:55:08
Unknown
So I'm going to tell you this now. I know, because week it might be a week as well, but it was before Hurricane Ida and it was before we went to Dallas because we only had our very first appointment was going to be week 13.

09:40:55:03 - 09:40:35:15
Unknown
Mm hmm. And we only went to her early because I started spotting. Mm-Hmm. So that would have been my week in eleven or something like that because our fertility doctor released just a week night. Mm hmm. And no, online, we at least a week now, so we will see him like maybe as soon as they are they

09:40:35:09 - 09:40:18:08
Unknown
then we see her like the very next day or something like that for our very first visit. And we were fine. So it was it was week eleven. So I mean, I would have been with not. And then two weeks later, I had spent some spotting, like on a Friday or Saturday, sent out a message during a

09:40:18:08 - 09:40:03:13
Unknown
weekend. And she's like, If you want to come in, she said, that's normal for the time frame that you are in. But if you want to feel more comfortable, let's go do something for Mindy so we can kind of take a look.

09:40:02:10 - 09:39:47:08
Unknown
Just be sure with the Doppler, meaning they're not going to give you a full ultrasound. But when you say I was wicked lemon, no, what might that would have been for all this evil, either? The in the August, our first week was up to something like that or something like that.

09:39:47:00 - 09:39:32:14
Unknown
So let the record reflect. This is when you think your husband is always right. She say that about a minute and 30 seconds, something that I did. I said it was about week twelve or September twelve. She always says, I think I'm always right.

09:39:32:14 - 09:39:15:05
Unknown
I always think I'm always right. I have in my hand my cell phone because I recorded the ultrasound that we did when we went to the emergency visit emergency room. Well, you know the with Kristen. Mm-Hmm. But basically the improper visit because of the spotty.

09:39:15:03 - 09:39:02:29
Unknown
Correct. What does that date say? No, that is the wrong one. No, it's not. That is not that is not that is our second visit. No, this this is this one with this body because this is that is our first visit.

09:38:59:18 - 09:38:38:24
Unknown
This is not the first visit, folks. No, no, no. It's not. Is the it? This was the emergency visit was fashion before thing on Monday. Go live on your calendar. Let's look and see both. September 14th at 10.4 a.m., we visited our Dr. and Mrs. Montana's heartbeat.

09:38:36:28 - 09:38:22:08
Unknown
September 14 was a Tuesday that was our regular appointment. That was not the right. Yes, it was. Yes, it was because our next appointment was on October the 14th. So that mean we've seen her on August the 30th.

09:38:21:29 - 09:38:04:27
Unknown
So then we look at August 30th. We couldn't because it happened on the 29th. It was August 30th, September 14th. It was up to the year that we normally go through. So it was on the 23rd day because we had we had already seen her.

09:38:04:24 - 09:37:49:29
Unknown
That was our regular visit. We saw her without her. Listen to me. Listen to me. You remember this lady? I'm gonna look. I'm gonna pull up my actual chart. So we know this together, y'all. But I know this is the week.

09:37:49:08 - 09:37:36:16
Unknown
This is the week that after eight weeks, this is nine weeks. So that's August eleven would have been nine weeks. So that means we. See her around a 30 order. Well, there probably was a well, that was the first visit.

09:37:36:15 - 09:37:22:28
Unknown
This is, you know, the very first visit with her that she took everything we do know of just now, no doubt or no nothing. Mm hmm. And then the very next week, I had a spotting, so there had to be August the 23rd that we've seen her, didn't her spotting the very things we didn't have spotted until

09:37:22:28 - 09:37:13:01
Unknown
we came back from Dallas. No, we didn't. I did not have a spotting room. We came in at all. That ain't where you need to be done it with you. That ain't you right. You got the wrong thing with anyway.

09:37:12:26 - 09:36:55:23
Unknown
Let me tell you my story. Why are you doing home? I know. But before you go there, I only had spotting one time. Yes, I did not have a spotting of you coming from Dallas. Not one time we had the spotting rate a week before we before Eid or anything even happen.

09:36:55:23 - 09:36:40:14
Unknown
In any case, I bring that up because in my recollection, it was a couple of weeks. September 14, to be exact. That was a regular appointment. So you don't know, but go ahead. Well, we had to go see the doctor and we end up seeing a nurse practitioner.

09:36:39:20 - 09:36:24:13
Unknown
And it's amazing how you know there are all these things you learn about during pregnancy when you're pregnant, but nobody really tells you anything as far as spotting is something as regular or to be expected because your body's changing.

09:36:24:12 - 09:36:07:25
Unknown
Is there any other? So I'm listening attentively as we were at these doctor visits when we get to the emergency room. It's amazing how the word emergency room doesn't actually translate into bitch. This is an emergency line, right?

09:36:07:23 - 09:35:45:16
Unknown
She's pregnant, she's bleeding. And the lack of communication or empathy from these people now understand they no tragedy and loss of life all the time. But let's have some level a sense of urgency when a person comes in and says they're pregnant in their spot and either be a false positive or it can be a real, real

09:35:45:16 - 09:35:25:27
Unknown
emergency, right? So we remain calm and you know, I'm sitting there now. At this point, I'm I'm calling my my sister, who lives with us now due to Hurricane Idaho, my mother because there were displaced. I called her, let her know what was going on and to go in a room and clean it up because I didn't

09:35:25:27 - 09:35:12:09
Unknown
get a chance to really fully examine everything. But when I did, I was like, I don't want this shit on the floor. We come back because this is going to be a hard reminder regardless good or bad. Look, routine prenatal what they see.

09:35:08:18 - 09:34:56:06
Unknown
All the swap was the very first visit. Mm hmm. Which I say it in part was all because it's well, I see August 23rd, which was there Monday because it was a Monday. We're looking at my my action charge, you guys.

09:34:55:26 - 09:34:46:22
Unknown
So August 23rd is going to say a routine parade because that's how do you have to put it in the system? For a nose to pull up? You know, we have to wait for this queen wife. But in anyway.

09:34:46:03 - 09:34:21:06
Unknown
So we in a hospital and I do remember her being rolled in. And initially it is crazy because I'm a jump ahead haddock that OK, you know, which is a phenomenal gynecologist and the head of the gynecology department now mentioned to us what we had after we lost Montana and we had to go see her for routine

09:34:20:02 - 09:34:03:21
Unknown
schedule anyway. She told us that if because while we live at, we don't live, we like 30 minutes away from where her practicing office is. So she was like, I wish I had a Kainos. And what we did was actually went to her.

09:34:01:07 - 09:33:42:02
Unknown
I think throughout the see, this is August 23rd. Patient presents at ten weeks. five days with spotty reports. first was bright red. Now Brown denies any recent intercourse. Denies any intense cramping, pain leading and I don't know, eating meat precautions giving.

09:33:42:02 - 09:33:21:15
Unknown
This was on August 23rd, some Monday. We already had appointments scheduled for 14 September. So for the 14, oh, I'm gonna go back to the 40 that I was already scared. That was already that was our regular schedule, like the initial 12 that we felt we had the initial one at.

09:33:21:13 - 09:33:07:20
Unknown
But we release from our infertility doctor we the day after then we wasn't supposed to see her, which is September 14. The only reason that we see her August third is because our report is fatty. Okay? After we were, we had our first appointment with her.

09:33:06:29 - 09:32:54:00
Unknown
So that's what that was. So that's why this is the well with our little busy office visit. This week there was an emergency one basically a.m. We say an emergency because I was three. I didn't know it's in weeks pregnant.

09:32:53:19 - 09:32:40:02
Unknown
Anything within twelve weeks spotting is normal again didn't really know that. So within her own ten weeks and then our regular schedule wasn't on the 14th was our regular one. So we thought we were going to get an ultrasound today.

09:32:40:02 - 09:32:28:20
Unknown
But she did. A Doppler wants to give us a heartbeat, so that was the one where we just did our regular bit because that's what I've been spouting off and on for a couple of weeks. That's the one we went in now.

09:32:28:11 - 09:32:14:10
Unknown
We we this was not scheduled because she was scheduled in October. No, no. The 14th was the scheduled one. And when we did this one, this is the one where she said, Okay, you're OK. Spotting is normal because we're now a 13 week.

09:32:14:09 - 09:32:00:29
Unknown
So she's like, We're now out of the first trimester. You're spotting this time around with much more visual. Anyway, I'm wrong. I'm gonna just go, I'm wrong. But I recorded it because I really want the regular schedule. With the 14 down Nixon was scheduled.

09:32:00:22 - 09:31:46:06
Unknown
It was atop of which I'm going to disagree because I recorded the the the ultrasound this time around because we wanted it now might be the Doppler because we wanted to be reassured of his heartbeat and everything was fine, correct?

09:31:46:04 - 09:31:29:08
Unknown
And I was like, You still hear one heartbeat and not two yet. Oh, that's what I was waiting. But in any case, going back to the emergency room, so I had fast forward it because our doctor had told us we should at least try to make it to her.

09:31:29:08 - 09:31:11:11
Unknown
But when we live at 30 minutes and at the end of the day, the circumstances was abnormal. Nobody's prepared for any type of emergency at any time of day, but I would advise people if you do have a whole bag, at least try to get to them who know you best and know your situation best and have

09:31:11:11 - 09:30:49:13
Unknown
a relationship with you. Or at least that because every OB-GYN has a hospital in a sense, like a hospital within the work out of or, you know, that's where they go for all of their deliveries. So in this instance, my OBGYN hospital was 30 minutes away, so we didn't want to go that far out knowing that we

09:30:49:13 - 09:30:33:11
Unknown
had an emergency. We went to closer to the emergency room to us, right, which was the sister hospital, is just that. It was just too far to get to where my OB-GYN would be. So bottom line, when she came in her room, the first thing she told me I don't think is good based off of that girl's

09:30:33:11 - 09:30:13:28
Unknown
face. So this young lady's face was absolutely vividly descriptive in her mind or in my light. Yeah, I don't think it's good. So our initial emergency room doctor and listen to the words that I said, our initial emergency room doctor was a female.

09:30:13:13 - 09:29:53:08
Unknown
She was very empathetic. She was very. Like when she came in, she brought the news. We broke down our cry. She cried. We held each other. But it was a shift change in the midst of a fucking shift change in the middle of just telling us that we are delivering.

09:29:53:06 - 09:29:33:29
Unknown
There is. She's having a miscarriage current. Basically, the doctor female just told us she had to. Yes, she answers. And she like she. She was late with us. Yeah. And then next thing you know, you put your money on a dress, a heck of a do with a cold, hard date.

09:29:32:29 - 09:29:18:16
Unknown
Is it not a doctor? So I'm almost up there because she said that she did that. She she really while the mom had tears in her eyes. So she basically said, you're having a miscarriage, which again, like I say, I wouldn't do the ultrasound.

09:29:18:15 - 09:29:06:27
Unknown
I think that girl's face. I kind of knew it then. But just to hear two words kind of confirm that that's what just I broke it down for me. But in the midst of that, she says, You know, you're having a miscarriage, you're your baby using your cervix.

09:29:06:27 - 09:28:50:28
Unknown
And anyone who's been pregnant knows that when you babies during labor. Hmm. At that point, which I had kind of figured out because you kept talking about the pains would come in late sporadically and we were sitting there for so long that I wanted the timing of them that they were coming every seven minutes or something, right

09:28:50:25 - 09:28:34:05
Unknown
? Because it was kind of like she would go into pain for 30 seconds every seven minutes or so. So between the ultrasound and those waiting on him to tell us what was going on, it was unspoken. But it was kind of like, Fuck you having contractions right now, correct?

09:28:34:04 - 09:28:20:09
Unknown
And I mentioned this to the lady, like prior to me going, I think it was prior to me as an ultrasound. I started to feel more like I started to feel the pain more and more frequently, more frequently, the more that I was in the emergency room and my guy sprung into her.

09:28:20:09 - 09:28:03:27
Unknown
I was like, I've never been in labor before, but it feels like I'm a contraction. I don't know what that feels like, but just from that. And then I went to the ultrasound that came back. Unfortunately, she confirmed that and in the midst of her confirming that she's like, OK, so you're having a miscarriage, your baby's in

09:28:03:27 - 09:27:45:09
Unknown
your cervix. So basically, we're going to admit you into the hospital. We're going to put you in a labor delivery because you know you're going to deliver your baby. And so we had to take a COVID test. So in a mystery gate came and gave me a COVID test after she left.

09:27:45:09 - 09:27:36:10
Unknown
So she left at that point, she left out. Now we didn't notice she was leaving going home, right? We just knew that she left out because she said, they want to admit you. They're going to give you a COVID test and that they give you a COVID test.

09:27:36:10 - 09:27:23:06
Unknown
They're going to bring to Lima delivery. That's what she said. So we were waiting for to go with this. Got the COVID tests left. So we they were waiting for the results of a COVID test before they can put me in labor and delivery in the midst of all of that.

09:27:22:19 - 09:27:03:17
Unknown
I'm now being a more and more pain. I'm beating more and more heavy. We like three hours at the hospital already, you know, more and more heavy. And it's like. I don't know. Again, I have not been a labor ever in my life, but something just told me I needed to ask.

09:27:02:01 - 09:26:49:23
Unknown
You know, when if I have this baby right now because I kept going back and forth to the restroom as much as I can because I was bleeding too heavily and I just something just clicked in my hair like, I don't want to deliver my child in a toilet.

09:26:48:29 - 09:26:37:10
Unknown
That's all I keep saying in my head. I don't want to deliver my child in the toilet. And so I asked the nurse when I went to the bathroom, Prove it. You know, how long did you take for the results to come back?

09:26:37:09 - 09:26:27:23
Unknown
So like we all know, we're just waiting for your coworkers results to come back. So I sat back down and I didn't talk to the doctor because now I feel like I'm in more pain, maybe more heavily and just in my head.

09:26:27:23 - 09:26:13:14
Unknown
I just like I kept saying, I don't want to have my child in the toilet because I kept on the toilet. And so he comes in now again. We're not expecting this doctor to come in. We're expecting the doctor that we've been dealing with the entire time we were there and had just told us that we were

09:26:13:14 - 09:26:02:27
Unknown
having a miscarriage. And so when he comes in, I was like, he was like, You know, you say you were a doctor, I was like, you, the previous dog. And that's when he said, Well, she's gone for the day.

09:26:02:24 - 09:25:49:14
Unknown
I'm Adobe Dorian McCarrick, who was there. Well, they told me, I'm having a miscarriage. I keep going to the restroom. I just don't want to. I don't, you know, what do I? What do I? I don't know. I just don't want to deliver my my baby in a toilet.

09:25:49:02 - 09:25:37:28
Unknown
And he said, like, clear is there? Remember this shit like it was yesterday? He said, Oh, we would just give you a baby. And it took everything in me not to be a super saying right then and knock.

09:25:37:28 - 09:25:24:27
Unknown
He's asking me the fucking well, he say, like, so naturally, I don't need like, I don't really care. I'll be at work. Yeah. Well, let me just give you a whipping there like I was, and I'm looking at him like, What is that going to do for me?

09:25:24:27 - 09:25:08:07
Unknown
I don't understand what that means at this point. Mind you, we were just told less than ten minutes ago, literally less than ten minutes ago that we were having a miscarriage being delivered, you know, being sorry. We entered into labor and delivery, got a COVID test, all the good stuff.

09:25:08:07 - 09:24:51:25
Unknown
And that's the first thing, he says. But it was no, oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry to hear that. Like the bedside manner, really. I was sitting down. I just put my head down. She was on the bed, and when I tell you, I raise my head up and I saw my spirit, leave my body and punch the

09:24:51:25 - 09:24:37:00
Unknown
fuck out this guy. But at that point, it was like, That's not going to resolve anything, just get the fuck away from us. I had to get up and go console you at that time because his words just like, cut like a fucking knife, bright light.

09:24:37:00 - 09:24:19:04
Unknown
It really just cut like a knife. This is crazy because I've always been told by other medical professionals, first responders and stuff. You always have to vocalize what's going on with you when it when it comes down to your medical need because they can only treat what they can hear and they can't see what they don't know

09:24:19:01 - 09:24:03:19
Unknown
, right? So that kind of came back in my head and now it's like, So who are you? And he goes, He's the doctor on duty, so he walks out, the nurse comes in you running back and forth to the restroom at this time and you saying that.

09:24:03:14 - 09:23:44:18
Unknown
And at that point, he hears the funniest shit about this whole scenario. Nothing's funny about it. The emergency was not prepared at all. Not even close. Not prepared at all for it any, any inkling of that baby or anybody's baby to come in here.

09:23:44:01 - 09:23:27:09
Unknown
So when she's in a restroom and I'm thinking it's just her using a restroom, but the contractions are coming frequently, nobody's really checking to see. I just told somebody that she's in. She's getting these pains every five to six minutes now, and they're lasting about 30 seconds.

09:23:26:29 - 09:23:13:13
Unknown
We've already diagnosed. OK, we're having a miscarriage. So you're in labor. Ain't nobody trying to go down there to see if she's dilated, if she's crowning, nobody's trying to do nothing. I'm not even a doctor or a trained medical professional, and I know these terminologies.

09:23:12:28 - 09:22:55:08
Unknown
So when she goes to the bathroom because again, she's translating that, how can I? I don't wanna give my baby the toilet. And they go with the bare pain. And unfortunately, that's exactly what the fuck happened. And it's crazy because after he said that, I needed to use the restroom again because again, you know, leading heavily, this

09:22:55:08 - 09:22:42:01
Unknown
is happening. So I'm feeling everything. I'm feeling the pain of being buffeting everything. And so I go to the restroom as I'm going to the restroom, we have the heat. This this dick basically didn't say what he said.

09:22:42:01 - 09:22:30:08
Unknown
I can't even really focus on what do you say? But at the same time, in my mind, I'm still saying I don't want to deliver my baby in the toilet, in the emergency room toilet. I just don't want to do that.

09:22:29:25 - 09:22:17:13
Unknown
And so when I'm gone to the Russian, the nurse is helping me and she's like, You know, you need anything. I feel what? I asked the doctor, you know? You know, what do I do about, you know, me not delivering my baby?

09:22:17:06 - 09:22:04:19
Unknown
So she said, Well, we could use a, you know, we use like a toilet paper and toilet paper. So it doesn't, you know, whatever it is, it's a pain that they put inside the actual toilet seat. So because I told her that.

09:22:03:07 - 09:21:51:16
Unknown
That's what they got. She got that for me and put it in, you know, put it in the toilet seats before I would use the restroom. And sure enough, that particular time that I would use the restroom at the she put that in the toilet seat.

09:21:51:15 - 09:21:35:26
Unknown
I gave birth to my son in that in that in that toilet paper. Now I'm in a room. I'm in a room. They come knocking on the door. Your wife thinks she's about to give birth to the baby now, and I had to tell her that she told I will tell her.

09:21:35:26 - 09:21:24:02
Unknown
I'm like, I feel like I feel like you're about to give birth. Like, I'm about to give her a feeling like, again, have been in this position before. I'm just listening to my body and listening to what is being told to me.

09:21:23:23 - 09:21:11:06
Unknown
And it's like, I feel like this is bothering me giving birth. I'm like, There's no way I'm about to give birth in an emergency room, in a toilet and my husband in the room. There's no way I'm not going to go run and get him.

09:21:11:06 - 09:20:54:20
Unknown
She ain't got me. They can't guide me. I go in the bathroom. She tell me what's going on now. I am not a trained medical professional. I just watch a lot of television. Either I wait inside another person's room and grab gloves.

09:20:53:29 - 09:20:39:23
Unknown
I grabbed not a scrub, but I basically grabbed the medical equipment. These heifers in a hallway, frantic day looking at me like, What the fuck is he doing? I didn't walk out of the bathroom. I didn't, because at this point I held your hand.

09:20:39:22 - 09:20:24:26
Unknown
You gave birth, right? I literally had. I not called for him at the moment that I call for him, I would have been in that restroom on that toilet, by herself, by myself giving birth. So by the time I get in there.

09:20:24:25 - 09:20:13:23
Unknown
So by the time he gets in, there is literally no more than a minute or two is in order to get rid of him in a toilet. So she gave birth. I opened the door. Now it's all right.

09:20:12:12 - 09:20:01:13
Unknown
Let's get this shit together. They see me go in a room and get gloves. I'm like, she just gave birth to the baby. They now Kajol will get a bed. This is me. I'm the fucking doctor now. Good job.

09:20:01:13 - 09:19:52:23
Unknown
We'll get a bed. They get up. They get a bed, a roller. I guess it was going to be a bed anyway that they had to bring it to labor and delivery room. They get you off the toilet.

09:19:52:23 - 09:19:39:16
Unknown
If they're getting you off the toilet clean. I'm cleaning. You know, I'm cleaning you up. I'm taking towels. I'm taking paper towels. I'm taking water. We sit on a bed. I'm cleaning a blood up of the young lady.

09:19:39:16 - 09:19:18:11
Unknown
I look and I see Montana fully in effect, fully intact. Everything's there. We get on the bed. Now is let's get it a labor and delivery. At this point, they still kind of taking cues from me because I'm like, Let's clean up the other person's come in to get the little bedpan or whatever would not.

09:19:18:11 - 09:19:04:11
Unknown
They're like, We're going to take the baby. We've got to come up there later on. I'm like, Cool where we go, but we roll it. I'm steady, wiping out blood and stuff they look in like, OK, can we take the dirty rags and stuff that I have and put this shit somewhere?

09:19:03:26 - 09:18:44:09
Unknown
All right, we get up upstairs to labor and delivery. They weren't even expecting us at all. They weren't even expecting us one month. Eddie wasn't expecting us. They knew, like probably five minutes before I gave birth there, somebody was coming up there, literally in the emergency room.

09:18:44:09 - 09:18:33:03
Unknown
But that's it. But I didn't know they were just told that somebody was in labor union emergency room, so they immediately knew I already had had a miscarriage. They didn't know that IRA had delivered him. They didn't know any of it.

09:18:32:26 - 09:18:09:27
Unknown
And again, we all are human. We all are human. We all are allowed to make mistakes. But the level of incompetence of communication from the one department to the other was just baffling to me at the end of reflection due to the fact that nobody again tried to assess how far out of contractions we know that the

09:18:09:27 - 09:17:51:02
Unknown
baby's in the birth canal. So that alone should have said that we need to get her upstairs with up to where the people are. Who can take care of it is where you send somebody downstairs. I mean, I'll send someone downstairs to do this because again again, at this point, we were waiting for Mark Hulbert results to

09:17:51:02 - 09:17:39:28
Unknown
come back, which is fine. We were in a hospital three hours. We wish we could have been here. So that means been a motherfucking. So, you know, that's what they were waiting on before they can bring me to the labor and delivery.

09:17:39:28 - 09:17:22:04
Unknown
That's what they were waiting for. And so but my thing is, if somebody is in labor and you as a department know that you're not capable or ready to help that particular patient, then you have a hospital for people who get, yeah, they should transfer, send them there.

09:17:22:04 - 09:17:09:09
Unknown
I don't know what, I don't know what the protocol is, but I just know as a patient, I felt overlooked by a lot of different people, some people not, but some that change with the doctors that the nurses didn't change shifts.

09:17:09:08 - 09:16:55:14
Unknown
It was only to the doctor that only the doctor's shift change shifts. So that communication. And there were what I think was spiral everything else, because at that point, they should have had a more sense of urgency of.

09:16:55:02 - 09:16:45:04
Unknown
We got the ultrasound, we see the baby in a birth canal. Let us we talking to labor and delivery one. We y'all need to come down here and check for whatever y'all need to check for it or whatever the case may be.

09:16:44:25 - 09:16:32:00
Unknown
But needless to say, when we get up there, labor and delivery, the lady makes a comment that they put us in a room where you deliver and they put the baby in the bed room and it's like, Wait a minute, this is awkward.

09:16:31:13 - 09:16:14:21
Unknown
She makes a comment that about the pregnancy. And I had to step out and let them know because they said it and we just had a miscarriage. I'm like, No, my wife gave birth downstairs, you know? Yeah, because the nurse birthing, she said, Well, let's go outside.

09:16:14:14 - 09:16:04:03
Unknown
Just what what? Yeah, that's what I'm saying. So she's looking at me like and I had to go outside, you know, she said, give me a second. So she walked outside and she let me handle it. And at that point, they're shock.

09:16:03:23 - 09:15:48:06
Unknown
So between the woke up from the emergency room to the walk upstairs, they were absolutely like, Wait, nobody told us this and it was all. They all apologized, which, you know, I'm grateful. Paper delivery? Yes, apology. They labor and delivery apologized because they didn't know.

09:15:46:11 - 09:15:25:21
Unknown
So it was that was the the whole mindset of, you know, just what the hell happened during his miscarriage. And one of the main reasons as when we diagnose stuff, it was kind of like we just went from we bought the just announced announcement, just any other to this whirlwind of emotions.

09:15:25:19 - 09:15:07:10
Unknown
Yeah. Oh, so within like 24 hours, less than $0.24 in less than 24 hours. Oh, but you know, in in in the hospital, there was a procedure that was done to you. Yeah. So with the blood clot stuff?

09:15:07:09 - 09:14:44:22
Unknown
Right. So we'll we'll go to that. So we're now out of the hell of emergency room, thankfully. And they have added in, I'm going to say this because again, the purpose of this package is, is her people helping the very initial of them asking me that I want to see the baby.

09:14:43:27 - 09:14:27:14
Unknown
I said no because I was going to my emotions. And I was like, I just didn't want to see in my mind a dead baby. I felt like that would have been traumatic for me. And so I said no, and they asked me and I said no.

09:14:27:14 - 09:14:12:21
Unknown
And then, I don't know. They checked on me a few times, and I'm saying to myself, No, I need to see. I need, I need to see my baby. And so I told her because I I think at that point I had like a good window of what, you know, whatever they do when you have a miscarriage

09:14:12:21 - 09:13:55:18
Unknown
with your baby. So I had a good time when I know I kind of do want to see you see him or her because we didn't know at the time what the what the gender was. So in the midst of me saying that they were going to to get him and obviously being at this point because of

09:13:55:18 - 09:13:39:26
Unknown
just baby at that point, we didn't know they were going to get the baby to bring the baby up to labor delivery to us at that point. So in the midst of VAD, nurses now know that we had a miscarriage where the baby is, so they're checking on me making sure I'm fine, you know, all my viral

09:13:39:26 - 09:13:21:26
Unknown
stuff like that. And the doctor comes in and I say this because it's just that this is just the the energy that I feel initially in the very first verse of this, I can say to me as well.

09:13:21:13 - 09:12:57:13
Unknown
So this doctor with a young black woman and we don't have too many young black women will going that's great in the city of New Orleans in general, I just see that. And so I didn't know who the doctor was going to be, and she came in and she told me, she said, normally when my shift is

09:12:57:13 - 09:12:43:13
Unknown
done for the day and especially when my husband is out of town and I've already taken a shower for the day I bleed in my bed. I don't normally come back to the hospital unless I need to rest as an emergency.

09:12:43:01 - 09:12:23:24
Unknown
And in this instance, she really didn't have to come because I had already given birth. So another that she really could have done because we all should give the nurses day care. But something told her to get out of the bed income, put her face to my face of technology, think and put her face to my face

09:12:23:11 - 09:12:04:09
Unknown
because she wanted to make sure that I understood that I was going to be taken care of. I'm told her and her spirit to do that is what she told me. And so I was like, great, and I'm her saying that it's like the whole debacle of having a miscarriage downstairs and now the.

09:12:04:03 - 09:11:51:29
Unknown
Delivery now, I mean, you know, the hospital admitted it just something about her spirit. Will she say how she said it made me feel a little better. It made me feel a little bit more calmer and after that conversation, she checked me.

09:11:51:28 - 09:11:37:13
Unknown
She was like, Oh, this is not just bloody war. You still have tissue. We need to do surgery on you like ASAP. Now I'm a backup a little bit because at that point, my mom is there. Hmm. And Mike was going to lie in and out, but he's there.

09:11:36:29 - 09:11:25:09
Unknown
And so I hadn't had anything to eat since, like 11:00 that day. At this point of like maybe seven 8:00 at night close to that time. So I'm like, I'm hungry, just Grammys. I'm like, Well, you're good. You get something to eat.

09:11:25:09 - 09:11:13:02
Unknown
Well, you know, check on you in the morning. At that point, well, as soon as she's seen that I hate a tissue still passed and she was like, Oh, no, nicks that can't eat. We're going to go, What am I going to wake up the morning?

09:11:12:18 - 09:11:00:18
Unknown
We're gonna do this now. I'm here. I see what's going on. We're going to make sure that you have the best care right now. And so that's when you live. Yeah, because she used the term that I didn't know nothing about it.

09:11:00:18 - 09:10:47:02
Unknown
I didn't know the word surgery was in there. So it was the way she said the ANC or the ANC, I know just from being a woman and just hearing different things throughout years or whatever. I know the DNC was an emergency procedure.

09:10:46:14 - 09:10:31:01
Unknown
I'm sorry surgical procedure to make sure that everything inside my uterus was cleared out so I don't get an infection. And so he had already left to go. Your mom was walking out the door when she said that because it was like, Oh, we'll do a DNC in the morning.

09:10:31:01 - 09:10:18:28
Unknown
If you need it and cover it, then it was, I guess, we just didn't understand at that point. But by the time I come back, the procedure was already done and they were writing your back in. Right? And I'm like, What the hell just happened, right?

09:10:18:26 - 09:10:08:12
Unknown
Because he was going home, you know, pack a bag for his. So he had anything all day and then come back. So stay with me overnight and thinking that I'll have, you know, more maybe two leave in the morning.

09:10:08:03 - 09:09:54:15
Unknown
But I think when she said, we don't do anything now in your mind, he didn't know that that's what they meant, but I knew that's what that meant, and he had to prep for that. So because again, she checked me and was like, No, I'm not waiting because I see tissue was still passing.

09:09:54:14 - 09:09:41:21
Unknown
I don't want to wait because you have a blood clot and we are all black like can or cannot do to your body, especially if you had a baby before then you know that that can change like within a matter of minutes and go to a heartbeat wherever.

09:09:41:21 - 09:09:27:28
Unknown
Maybe those problem can be problematic. So he's gone, not knowing if that's what happened, and I'm gonna be prepping me for, you know, for the surgery or whatever. Come back. And he goes, Wait a minute and what happened to you right now?

09:09:27:10 - 09:09:15:03
Unknown
Yeah, he had no clue that I actually went to surgery and came back, and so he was already back and I was already gone. But, you know, all went well, everything was fine, and we're going to the doctor to make sure I was OK.

09:09:14:14 - 09:08:58:07
Unknown
And I mean, that was pretty much that night. I mean, I have very, very good nurses. That night, they really checked on me every hour when I was, I called it for anything like I like. I felt they were delivering that.

09:08:58:06 - 09:08:39:22
Unknown
That, yeah, they were. They were. They were amazing. They were definitely attentive. And to both of us, to both of us apologetic and in show empathy, which is what you want because nobody, nobody prepares for a loss like that.

09:08:39:12 - 09:08:21:10
Unknown
Nobody prepares for anything like that. Like I said, this is us in a matter of 18 hours. So the next day I end up having no, I had to leave. So for that girls rehearsal, that was the next day already.

09:08:20:26 - 09:07:58:03
Unknown
So that was Abby. There he was. That's the reason why you had to leave earlier. Like in between stuff, right? That's that's what you were leaving in between. You left my monkey. You left to kind of make sure was fine, but I still had, I mean, I had had in D.C. at that point, I he was gone

09:07:58:01 - 09:07:46:26
Unknown
. We were going to get, you know, closer to that. So therefore, we get to labor and delivery. A decision had to be made. I had to call one of our clients who was getting married this Saturday and from my cell phone.

09:07:46:12 - 09:07:29:16
Unknown
Now the only reason I did this and not cancel it because for one hour, a lot of their family and friends that were in the wedding had came down at Thursday, and they were military folks. I canceled the rehearsal rehearsal, never canceled at rehearsal because she really wanted Stacey to do that.

09:07:28:27 - 09:07:08:29
Unknown
We have been working with her for 24 months close to. She had no other events outside of the facility at that point. So I got on the phone and I said, Hey, look, this is what's going on. Your rehearsal is going to be there, but somebody else is going to do it, which was one of her one

09:07:08:29 - 09:06:52:16
Unknown
of Stacey's first or second planners. one of her assistants, basically, who had been working with us for years to more than capable, she was like, Oh, OK, fine. And this is when I heard people help people crying because I got there because I got there.

09:06:52:04 - 09:06:28:04
Unknown
I opened it up and out, opened it up. Get better going and it there. Yeah. Continued recording. I laid up there. I opened up the facility. The courtyard of a family or friends end in Plano with the doing a thing.

09:06:27:16 - 09:06:11:17
Unknown
The bride came over to me and she said, Is everything all right? You know? And I told them, I said, no. I said, You know, we just seen them in arms for a few days. I said, you know, a lot of people didn't know that, you know, we were expecting a baby.

09:06:11:01 - 09:05:53:01
Unknown
Oh, we just lost the child today. My wife just had a miscarriage and she hugged me and she just like, told me her story, right? Anything. She kind of told me her story. Oh, my god, is this our wedding rehearsal, our family and friends, and all the world?

09:05:53:00 - 09:05:31:29
Unknown
And it was as if we were in ours. She shared her story and it gave me comfort. It gave me comfort not only just just. It was as if you know, my pain. And that's what I heard. You will help people came home, and that was why I was so adamant after we kind of I was like

09:05:31:29 - 09:05:18:13
Unknown
, We just got to tell you. Because in that one little interaction, that one little interaction on the day I just lost my child, my wife just had a miscarriage. She's in a hospital right now. I just still need to make sure business is taken care of.

09:05:17:24 - 09:04:56:06
Unknown
In that moment, I found comfort. I found a found peace. I was like, OK, I'm not alone. And that's been my conversation and my viewpoint ever since it's been, you know, everybody down with shared his story with It's amazing how this little weird ass club that we have of people.

09:04:55:28 - 09:04:34:04
Unknown
This weird little club is society nobody wants to be associated with. But it is a commonality, a common thread. You know what I'm going through, and I can tell it's kind of like PTSD for military folks who have been at war and have lost or anybody who went through a traumatic experience on the gold is the only

09:04:33:24 - 09:04:22:26
Unknown
people in this thing and nobody else team. You know, if you were in a plane and a plane just dropped out of sky 10,000 feet, they landed in water. Nobody ain't going to stay in bed with the people that survived that plane crash.

09:04:22:26 - 09:03:57:05
Unknown
Just kind of like my broken ribs and you're willing to bowl. So you really don't get that unless you were in that position. But, you know, on that whirlwind of just emotions overall. And the next day. first of all, hospitals need to do better with their with their babies and their sleeping arrangements, I guess.

09:03:56:23 - 09:03:45:14
Unknown
Oh, we'll see. That's the thing that every hospital in the same situation has had on the news has been that was that was the book. So this to hospital. I was going, I say it is after this was back on.

09:03:44:14 - 09:03:23:17
Unknown
Well, Jason, it is an older hospital. They have upgraded things. But he saw the problem because of the women here, the the chair, the chair. They climb in easily because I was in the media where next to stay there one night, but not every hospital because I was in the beta at night.

09:03:23:17 - 09:03:11:07
Unknown
So he stayed there overnight. But not every hospital was like some hospital as you have beds for partners to sleep in. You just didn't have one. I had a chair that reclines where I had to go see my chiropractor.

09:03:11:00 - 09:02:58:26
Unknown
That's a whole conversation for a whole Nuttall, and I could barely walk after that. Oh, it was bad. But any case of, you know, we end up having that, we're able to see Montana. They have brought a in.

09:02:58:16 - 09:02:39:19
Unknown
Yeah. Like I said, I'm a project keeper there. I know somebody on one of our previous clients shared with us that they had a miscarriage and didn't indeed did not act to see their baby. He found we found this out later, found out later.

09:02:39:02 - 09:02:20:28
Unknown
But in that she wished she would have seen her baby. And I can. 150% agree with that because I was at first like, No, I don't want to see him humor her at that time because I just felt I didn't want to see my baby.

09:02:20:05 - 09:01:56:27
Unknown
It was probably in. It's probably going to be the biggest healing thing for me, the the biggest healing detail for me because I have images, I have pictures, I have footprints, I have handprints, fingerprints for life. If you choose not to do that, you don't get those things in.

09:01:56:27 - 09:01:38:18
Unknown
So I can only imagine having gone through a traumatic experience that we went through and not right now today have no images, no footprints. No, I would probably take so much longer to heal. Yeah, it was when they brought him in.

09:01:37:02 - 09:01:25:13
Unknown
I had to go to work later on because I had I had stuff that was already pre-scheduled and I could not have changed. I couldn't change at all. So I was with you for at least 30 to 40 minutes.

09:01:24:28 - 09:01:15:23
Unknown
You know, I love talking about the next day, the next day. Now they brought him in the night before. We just chose not to just see him that night. And again, we didn't know what it was at that time, what was a wild girl.

09:01:15:09 - 09:00:59:24
Unknown
So they just kept him in the room. So where we you know it, so we couldn't see the baby that night. And I had a glimpse of when she was when we took her off the toilet in the emergency that everything was intact.

09:00:59:14 - 09:00:41:03
Unknown
I didn't know it fully what I was looking at until they described that in set and everything was fully intact. He had ten fingers, ten told the whole gamut. Come to find out. We learned that if he was 20 weeks, the state of Louisiana would have been obligated to save his life because he would have been able

09:00:41:03 - 09:00:27:20
Unknown
to develop lungs in a lot of comfort. For me comes from the fact that I know my child never suffered. It is it isn't as if he he took a breath and then had to go into our Nick, you right?

09:00:27:19 - 09:00:04:04
Unknown
Oh, I've I've been in all situations with families. I've sat at those bedside. Oh, that is a that is a burden you don't want on your heart continuously. So I felt a lot of comfort. And that that his passing was immediate and painless, but being able to hold him, I must say it was definitely like a smile

09:00:03:28 - 10:59:52:06
Unknown
and a warm feeling, but also painful. Yeah, it was. It was warm and dark at the same time. Yeah, I can agree with that. It was. It is, but it was kind of light. I could see my nose.

10:59:51:18 - 10:59:31:06
Unknown
All right. So I see, I see you. I see you. So it was very comforting in that and I was, you know, I wasn't alone. I'm a man. So whatever she wanted to do, I wanted to do. I couldn't impose my wheel or thoughts on that because at the end of the day, it is us.

10:59:30:24 - 10:59:12:22
Unknown
It's 5050 and I have to be as supportive as possible in this journey. I will say we were close, but this has forced us to be closer to 100%. You know, a lot of things that in regards to anger, say my strong willingness because I'm not that I'm very balanced.

10:59:12:22 - 10:58:50:24
Unknown
I hope sometimes, sometimes maybe. But overall, it really the communication, because after you went to work the next day and you went to work the next day, we had a wedding there Saturday. Oh, I can't even recall if we had some nice Sunday.

10:58:50:18 - 10:58:32:05
Unknown
No. All right. So pretty much is. It has been a like. October was a whirlwind of events for us. I think we did a teeny bit between wedding parties in India. My my middle stuff, right? Oh, luckily, you didn't have anything outside of due to COVID rescheduling stuff like that.

10:58:32:04 - 10:58:10:17
Unknown
Right? Oh, but the distraction light for two to three weeks the next week, we had three weddings back to back. Bad like that Friday, Saturday, Sunday, and we were like zombies. Oh, and I'm talking like, did not dress for the event I had on clothes like I should have been underneath the bridge somewhere.

10:58:09:09 - 10:57:54:29
Unknown
And that was part of where that Sunday after that Sunday event, I really that was the 10th I really said because I had to apologize for my appearance to my clients that I had been working with. They don't know what we're going through.

10:57:54:19 - 10:57:36:23
Unknown
All my staff did a shout out to my fucking staff. They stepped up, Oh my God, they stepped up. They they held us down, a confident and they shielded us from from everything. Oh my big diesel. Oh, but in a client's eyes, you know, here it is.

10:57:35:19 - 10:57:14:05
Unknown
My didn't look like that, you know, right? You know, other than the young lady on a third where she knew nobody else, we she wasn't there. It was the thing I don't know. It was a whirlwind. In any case, in any case, it kind of came to to to just light.

10:57:13:13 - 10:56:50:05
Unknown
I need to for us. After going back to 22 years together, 15 years of marriage, never being pregnant. Holding on to it as close as we did to the chest. Telling those how we told doing the filming of just all of these different things that led up to this exciting moment in life.

10:56:50:05 - 10:56:33:10
Unknown
And had it been it having to lose it in such a dramatic way, all part of my healing came back from sharing it the very first time with a very a stranger. Basically, you know, mean all of me, but you don't know me.

10:56:32:14 - 10:56:20:11
Unknown
That's where my comfort came in. As well as wanting to apologize to the clients who me felt a certain way of not their events were beautiful and it was done in the way it was supposed to be done.

10:56:20:11 - 10:56:05:18
Unknown
But still, you know, I felt as though my expectation didn't meet and exceed baiters. So when I had a conversation with her about us doing this video to let people know where we come, it was as if a weight lifted off my shoulder too.

10:56:05:04 - 10:55:44:21
Unknown
Along with the fact that you got the arms, I got the stories light. It was as if the club just had a new membership that nobody really wanted to talk about, and people were now being transparent in their hurt and it was helping.

10:55:44:00 - 10:55:31:22
Unknown
Being able to talk to someone else with a like experience with it? Yeah. And the more that I spoke of it, the more I spoke of it, the more I spoke of it, the the more comfort I felt from the community around me.

10:55:29:21 - 10:55:13:19
Unknown
And I think for me, I mean, even when I was in the hospital that day or the night, the night that it happened, I didn't really. I'm not what I was into now. I just I just felt. I don't know why.

10:55:13:04 - 10:54:48:16
Unknown
I barely felt out, I would have thought in 1,000,000 years, I probably would have been just. Unbearable can't even talk game abortion, but that's not how I was, I was able to literally have peaceful conversations between you, my mom, the dog, like I literally I didn't feel what was happening to me at the time.

10:54:47:28 - 10:54:29:24
Unknown
I knew it. But at the same time, in the moment, I was really at peace, and I think it all to do with their doctor in the nurses. The women were taking care of me at that time. Had I would have had, I would have had the the emergency room situation enable delivery than I probably would have

10:54:29:24 - 10:54:05:25
Unknown
been. Horrible, horrible. But. So he added, I'm glad I didn't. I feel at peace and even even the next day, you know, I may actually, you know, in the opening his who's sick and, you know, looking at the placenta, trying to just see what happened, you know, trying to see what caused us to even be in a

10:54:05:25 - 10:53:52:03
Unknown
hospital at that moment in time. And of course, it was so crazy because the nurse, as she's doing it, I'm looking at her trying to, you know, open up his sack and it's taken forever because that's just how intact it was.

10:53:52:02 - 10:53:30:13
Unknown
Yeah, yeah, that's just how healthy it was in what was a term. It was cervical. So it is a non painful cervix. Dilation is how I had a miscarriage. So there is a non painful cervix dilation and a painful cervix allegation.

10:53:29:28 - 10:53:11:00
Unknown
So the difference is, is basically the word that you're hearing non painful and painful. So of course you're saying, well, you, you were too late, but you had contractions. So that's already in the process. Once your service is dilated, you're in labor, you're going to go to those pains.

10:53:10:24 - 10:52:53:26
Unknown
So that's not the pain. What the pain for the non painful part is actually when it happens. So when I woke up that that morning or from that nap that I had and I had basically what would have been my water breaking in a sense at that moment in time?

10:52:53:18 - 10:52:40:20
Unknown
Was it painful? And it wasn't because I wasn't in pain either. It was like, Do that is beyond my tongue? Or then I think, but I'm like, Okay, that's not right. So in that moment, I wasn't in any pain.

10:52:40:06 - 10:52:25:11
Unknown
And so if it would have been a painful sort of a violation, I would have been in pain at that time. And so because it was a non painful cervix allegation, badges basically meant that my cervix opened on its own.

10:52:24:23 - 10:52:12:29
Unknown
They do not know why. I really want to know more research on this because I so many women that I've talked to have had this happen. Yeah, it's going to find out. It's a kind of common. It's very common.

10:52:12:15 - 10:51:55:19
Unknown
And basically, what happens is my cervix open on its own. I was 16 weeks one day pregnant and wash your cervix opens. It opens. Yeah, there's nothing that they can do to stop your service from opening once it's opened.

10:51:55:03 - 10:51:39:02
Unknown
So going forward, knowing that knowing that it was a non people service violation is a reason why the miscarriage happened. That just means that when I am pregnant, I have to have my cervix stitched something go, it's not going to be a soldier.

10:51:39:00 - 10:51:26:18
Unknown
Yes, there we go is what has to happen once I turn 13 weeks so that my survey doesn't open on its own. And at that point, I would have to be on bed rest and continue to make sure that my cervix does not open.

10:51:26:01 - 10:51:06:06
Unknown
So because that's what happened and that's what caused the miscarriage. There was nothing chromosomal, nothing that I did, which is important to know women who have miscarriages. Nothing that I could have done differently. It wasn't him. It wasn't me.

10:51:05:17 - 10:50:51:12
Unknown
You really don't know until your body don't know. And it's unfortunate. You don't know for this particular type of scenario of a miscarriage. It has to happen for you to know how to prevent it, from prevent it from happening.

10:50:51:10 - 10:50:29:11
Unknown
That's the unfortunate part about it. That's the part that kind of makes me mad sometimes when I think about it, because it's like. Sometimes I feel like my body failed. But in an instance, at the same time, it's like, unfortunately, it was meant to happen for whatever reason, you know, that's what that vessel was supposed to happen

10:50:29:11 - 10:50:09:29
Unknown
at that time. And the weirdest thing is the emergency first, the first doctor, the female. She said that she said this looked like a non cervical miscarriage. Yes. And she also explained that if you decide to get pregnant again, then go in, you'll have to suture.

10:50:09:28 - 10:49:47:01
Unknown
And I heard that I heard that during that initial conversation with this lady when she had told us about having told us about having a miscarriage and she cried, Oh, I heard her actually explain it. So a lot of comfort for me came in knowing that there was an alternative solution of resolution and I had and I

10:49:47:01 - 10:49:27:27
Unknown
held on to that until we met with Ovie. And she she echoed that because between the time and a miscarriage before we even got two weeks later to see your regular gynecologist, there were some dark periods. You know, the the the distractions of work just wasn't there.

10:49:27:01 - 10:49:14:12
Unknown
And that's when those strains of the work was there was there was talk about in the quiet moments, too. Yeah, you know, those quiet moments, that's when the pain came in and the hurt came bad and all I could do this whole day.

10:49:13:29 - 10:49:00:16
Unknown
Some of our conversations, like she didn't want to cry in front of me. I didn't. I didn't want to do that because at the same time, it's not just me and terms. It's not just me. That wasn't me.

10:48:59:29 - 10:48:45:15
Unknown
I always thought or felt right. You know, I don't want to add more pain to what is there anything that's kind of what I like, even in my mind, is how, you know, when you really, really love and care about somebody.

10:48:45:15 - 10:48:29:27
Unknown
You don't want them to be in pain, you don't want them to hurt. You want to do whatever it is that you can to protect that person. And that's what I felt that I was doing because even though I was doing what I was going to do at the same time, I doing that he was experiencing is

10:48:29:26 - 10:48:13:16
Unknown
there as well. So that was always my mentality is I'm a little bit about me, a little about myself, in a sense, choosing to. Because I don't want to more means. And the reality is, it's so bad that we talked about it and it's like, that's now gone.

10:48:13:02 - 10:48:02:29
Unknown
It's like we're going to do together so we can do this together. You know, we need to talk about it. We need to talk. I need to hold you your first off. He needed to know that you love the your comforting and it's not your fault.

10:48:01:07 - 10:47:40:28
Unknown
You know, it's none of our fault. It was very, very unfortunate what occurred to us. But at the end of the day, the only way we're going to get through is stronger, bringing up the scenarios and conversations that you know, I had with people outside and along with you, bring email conversation from people who inbox cold, turns

10:47:40:03 - 10:47:22:16
Unknown
you with that same type of love and support. And on the other side of it, you know, like, it's like that before. So life after 40 is terrible. Well, yeah, well, because again, these people don't know that women do that.

10:47:22:14 - 10:47:01:17
Unknown
So yes, ideas are important as really useful because I mean, no one knows what she's going to you. It it, it can make sense. I bet you're going to be dirty. Yeah. So it is a true life that before 40 year old man, but at the end of the day, you know, hearing from other people who have

10:47:01:17 - 10:46:46:00
Unknown
had a miscarriage come and tell you I've had three miscarriages, but now I got three kilos. Yeah. Oh, people telling you yes. I had a miscarriage 37 years ago, but I still like they cry like it happened yesterday.

10:46:45:28 - 10:46:26:18
Unknown
Yes, it's a pain that you'll never get over. And my baby and proactively engaged and involved in, not just allowing her to hurt on her own. I talked with young men and men who never had a conversation with their wife or what over a miscarriage.

10:46:25:29 - 10:46:01:17
Unknown
Does three lines. Yeah, yeah. When you're in, it is because a man said then that she had a miscarriage is the wrong pronoun. Now she is we oh, we had a miscarriage. Whether you were in a long term relationship or a sharp jump off, at the end of the day, you are going through something together.

10:46:01:16 - 10:45:38:25
Unknown
The probability could have been that child being here versus that child's not here. So you need to have a real conversation with that person and fully engage in what it is that child going through. Because, you know, I had them, I had to ask you about what is the pain you know, in there when you broke down

10:45:38:24 - 10:45:14:13
Unknown
in different categories of pain of loss from you miss not only being pregnant, but the kick in the nose. The thought not yet wishing I was doing it. I mean, you broke down the pregnancy and in the different stages of what you missed in our overall, looking at the big circle, which is the miscarriage, but it's everything

10:45:14:13 - 10:44:56:19
Unknown
that made the pregnancy is what you miss. And what remind me you had moments. And once I really fully understood that, then I'd understood how not to judge you, Penny. You know, your pain is your pain independently. As a man, I would never understand what it is to feel pregnant.

10:44:55:29 - 10:44:45:11
Unknown
I don't know what that is. I don't know what that is to have a conversation with something living inside of me that's growing and feeding off of my energy and everything that I eat and drink. I don't. I don't get that.

10:44:45:11 - 10:44:24:26
Unknown
I wrote a quiet, heartfelt conversation down here, but I had to really put myself in a mindset of all this latest addition and I can't even fathom in your life. Oh, okay, yeah. All right. So because I need you to go through your process, this is going to get back on its own.

10:44:24:26 - 10:44:11:13
Unknown
My story, my, you know, my emotions and I thought my there behind you. And for me, it wasn't just me losing our son, it was me losing, you know, the because again, we'll talk about it in another episode.

10:44:11:13 - 10:43:49:01
Unknown
But the whole experience of leading up to even getting pregnant, so I'm looking at the entire of retirement is OK. I'm fine with the words We'll keep smiling Adobe, baby, you know, leading up to getting pregnant. But you two are going through that process like, I'm thinking about all of them.

10:43:49:00 - 10:43:31:22
Unknown
So it's like, and everyone's saying, Okay, yeah, that is where these miscarriages began again. And I'm saying to myself, I don't know your whole story, but it wasn't easy, wasn't it? Right? You know, it wasn't easy. It again ended with chemical pregnancy the first time.

10:43:31:13 - 10:43:13:14
Unknown
So it's like it's just going to happen again. So in my mind, the whole mourning and grief part is infertility portion of it. Finally, the pregnant portion of it. Dealing with the pregnancy of enjoying being pregnancy portion of it then is the most important part.

10:43:13:14 - 10:42:47:12
Unknown
Was this a whole step by step? What was going through my head that we have been doing this year in the boys in mind? That is what makes it so first again for me. So hard. Why in recent months, a laugh cry, why cry as much as I cry is because I think about all of it.

10:42:47:11 - 10:42:24:13
Unknown
It's not just it's not just just losing him or steps over there, you know, it's it's a whole, it's a whole, the whole. It's like, it's like, it's like losing the entire process. And I just felt like this and I was like, really, like, we have to go through this, like, really go like, like, I don't I

10:42:24:13 - 10:42:02:04
Unknown
don't. And I think for me, the most, the most part that makes me cry. The most I would say is the fear of it not having them again or the fear of it happening and this happening. Yeah. And you say that more than once in, you know, my biggest like, that's my biggest fear.

10:42:02:04 - 10:41:50:05
Unknown
I think right now for me is a couple of different things that kind of give me that comfort. It is, yes. Other people's journeys are definitely different. You know, some people, you know, get pregnant without even having sex.

10:41:49:08 - 10:41:33:26
Unknown
That's just not forever. Yeah, I mean, it is with you and others. It takes a process. Oh, but you know, when you hear everybody's story, I don't want to focus on the negative. You know, I can't focus on a negative.

10:41:33:26 - 10:41:13:07
Unknown
The focus on the negative for me is to drive myself insane. If just oh, every time, every time, every time. And having after, after being optimistic behind is is is a different perspective from me because this is a conversation for the infertility episode.

10:41:12:22 - 10:40:59:01
Unknown
I had came to grips a long time ago of never being a father. Tell everybody I'm a community father. I got six goddamn kids and literally, you know, host a lot of people that just I can help out whenever I need to.

10:40:58:24 - 10:40:37:27
Unknown
I want to. So I had came to grips with not being a father for a long time, but I hear solutions. Through this misery, yeah, I've heard solutions initial emergency room doctor looked like you had a surf lifesaving service dilation.

10:40:37:08 - 10:40:20:03
Unknown
Next time you get suited up, that echoed weeks later by our doctor. But in between that and her dog moments, I kept telling her that I'm hearing from other people. We went through multiple miscarriages before having one having to have a dream.

10:40:19:20 - 10:40:04:07
Unknown
I've had a kid, had a miscarriage, have a kid. Pain is always going to be with you, something you'll never be able to shape. Hearing those echoes of of those things, you know, can always give me this strength.

10:40:03:24 - 10:39:45:04
Unknown
So for her to lean on when she's weak because I know it's not a one off. I know we're not a zero in a one in a world of billions. We're not that. There are couple. No. Lot of people a you.

10:39:44:28 - 10:39:31:00
Unknown
That's true. Hundreds, thousands. Millions. You know, it's just that it's not a pain. You're going to walk around with a shirt on that said, Hey, I'm the parent of a no. Nobody does that. Yeah, that's a scar. This that's underneath there.

10:39:30:29 - 10:39:18:09
Unknown
I on your heart that only another person can look at you and go, Oh, OK, there's there's I don't know if there is what they call a little church. Meet me when you have AA groups and all, I don't know, they probably have a support group.

10:39:17:24 - 10:39:06:28
Unknown
There. They gave us something in the hospital about heaven. I never even looked at it, which is so crazy that I didn't, and I should now issue what we need to tell people who are in therapy now. I am.

10:39:06:28 - 10:38:46:15
Unknown
I mean, I have a therapist who I've only met with her once again to my thing, where was it? It was, yeah. And it was a very good therapy visit with a very good conversation. And they kind of helped to kind of steer me to keep me steered in the right path because that's initially what I want

10:38:46:15 - 10:38:35:19
Unknown
to do. I don't want to keep going down a dark rabbit. I definitely want to stay positive and keep on a positive path, and I think this particular therapist is going to help with it from what I see.

10:38:35:09 - 10:38:18:20
Unknown
We'll see how it goes a year ago. But I think I mean, the whole purpose of the reason why we're doing this park is is to is to make sure that people understand that they're not the one off for this particular subject matter.

10:38:18:18 - 10:38:06:28
Unknown
This whole thing, I'm just saying, but this particular part, I mean, the reason that this podcast is work is because of what happened to us. And I think it's important that we think I know that we talked about this.

10:38:06:28 - 10:37:49:18
Unknown
We think that it's important that people know our story so they don't feel like they're a one off because like he mentioned, you know, some people deal with this very differently and don't talk about it. And even when we went to our doctor, she kind of gave us a scenario of what happened with her.

10:37:49:18 - 10:37:34:12
Unknown
In her situation about not talking about it and not sharing is the matter of when you share. You're not only being therapeutic, which is what you're helping somebody else understand that you're not the only person in the world is going through.

10:37:34:04 - 10:37:21:13
Unknown
Here's what happened to me. Here's what helped me, and maybe that's going to help somebody else. So that's the real purpose of us. Even doing this back is it's not. No, we this is helping case. I'm saying we were going to talk about this topic right now.

10:37:21:12 - 10:37:04:19
Unknown
Okay? And for those listening in viewer, No, I'm not doing therapy. Oh, I'm good. I talk about it a lot. I'm guilty if you understand my body. Yeah, I know what I understand. So I know somebody like, Well, is he doing therapy?

10:37:04:19 - 10:36:51:18
Unknown
And no, I'm not doing therapy. This is therapy for me. If I see you in the street and we have a good rapport and I feel that all my heart to talk about what I've been through and you have a listening ear, then we can have a therapy session right there in there.

10:36:51:18 - 10:36:35:00
Unknown
And I'm a community healer in that essence, but tell him which a therapist told him told you about me? He say only because wait, no, what did I tell you to the so me set it up the day before going to be the longest, probably initial practice ever.

10:36:35:00 - 10:36:17:24
Unknown
But go ahead. OK, so the day before I noticed that that weekend, she had been in a room. Now, mind you, this previous weekend that previous weekend made a month a month since we lost my partner, so it was this Sunday and Monday.

10:36:17:09 - 10:36:01:14
Unknown
So she was just in a room in a dark, you know, crying consistently. And again, I didn't know the layers behind it. I knew a little bit. But she's not dove in. So I walk into the room and I said, I see you spiraling downward.

10:36:01:01 - 10:35:43:02
Unknown
Like, at this point, I'm a little concerned because I've been in a room about 24 hours and I had already had a therapy appointment. So at this point. Oh, I see you spiraling downward. Oh, you know, I'm forced now to talk about it.

10:35:43:02 - 10:35:28:29
Unknown
She's angry. It's 30 days into it, but I'm not understanding all the levels to it. So we get into a conversation. You kind of angrily shout at me a little bit with tears in your eyes, frustrated. You don't know what to do, just any other.

10:35:28:19 - 10:35:12:08
Unknown
But you getting it out? So does she kind of got it out? I told her, I say, so tell your therapist they're welcome. And I'll walk out of the room, which are going to find out because he'll be on his podcast every now and then.

10:35:11:01 - 10:34:47:23
Unknown
The he thinks he knows everything. He really does. And it's like sometimes I don't even want to tell him the truth about some things, because then they just kind of reconfirms that he thinks he knows everything. So he said that to me, he did so after I had my therapy session during a little portion of my therapy

10:34:47:23 - 10:34:33:03
Unknown
session because she's asking me different questions, asked me about, you know, how was my husband dealing with this? And, you know, how does he feel? Is he he? She did ask me the question, Did he say your pregnancy, your miscarriage or ours?

10:34:32:22 - 10:34:21:04
Unknown
I said, Not never, not one time. As you say, mine is always with us. She's like, great. That's a very good thing. And so, you know, she asked me more questions about him throughout our conversation. And then eventually she kind of goes.

10:34:20:23 - 10:33:52:03
Unknown
So our question is, is your husband? Does he have a background in psychotherapy, psychiatry psychology? I said, no, ma'am, he does not show me because it sounds like he does. It sounds like he has a very good grasp on mental reality and how to implement positive energies with something dramatic happens.

10:33:50:27 - 10:33:38:24
Unknown
All I can do is roll my eyes close like I have to tell him this, and when I tell you this, he's going to head his little cell phone and beg and be like, I told you. But I did see this.

10:33:38:23 - 10:33:19:05
Unknown
I wish it hadn't thought of. This is what I have to do. I broke down all your layers for her. I did her job, father, but how can we stay on topic here anyway? So. Yes. So he has a very good grasp on how to mentally get through things.

10:33:19:04 - 10:33:00:09
Unknown
He has a very strong mental. Very, very strong. He's a very strong person. He's a very strong personality. So all of those things combined together basically equals that he did. He doesn't need therapy because you can always gain positive things.

10:33:00:09 - 10:32:42:18
Unknown
We're having therapy, but he doesn't really need therapy. Say it like that in a sense. Yeah, I'm not. I'm the type. I'm not going to hold back how I feel. I'm going to do it in a respectful, methodical way because everybody can't accept.

10:32:40:20 - 10:32:21:25
Unknown
Conversations, critical conversations, yeah, but are much needed. I for some people, I used to call them, but I don't know my come to Jesus means I said we have to have a come to Jesus meeting and as basically we need to have a real conversation like we're not going to sugarcoat nothing.

10:32:21:15 - 10:32:06:26
Unknown
But at the end of the day, I'm not going to walk away or be burdened by something that I know I can control just by vocalizing. How are you going to protect me? But yes, he doesn't need therapy therapy to this situation.

10:32:06:12 - 10:31:51:21
Unknown
He really does have therapy sessions with yourself, like not crazy, like his mental Adobe crazy. And when I say mental meaning, he's not understanding what's happening to him and actually thinking things through so that he get a positive outcome.

10:31:51:09 - 10:31:38:05
Unknown
You really had those conversations with himself and kind of get with those things. That's a gift. Everybody can do that is just something that makes him very unique in the world. Oh God, I'm ready to atone and I'm not even listening to you.

10:31:38:02 - 10:31:20:06
Unknown
So, yeah, but in any case, anyway, so in any case, you know, like right now, we didn't even cry during this conversation. No, we know what is so crazy, but one of about one of my staff members eggs, she's like, Are doing your podcast today?

10:31:20:06 - 10:31:08:06
Unknown
I was like, Yeah, I was the first topic. And I thought she said, Oh my God, it's going to be so emotional. And so I was like, You know what? I don't think it is. I say, because every time I talk about it, I don't cry through it.

10:31:08:01 - 10:30:51:06
Unknown
Mm hmm. I don't. Yeah, I cry when I have my own flashbacks of of what happened for whatever reason, whether it be, you know, finding out the pregnancy if I were pregnant and how much tell you to, you know, the actual miscarriage itself.

10:30:50:20 - 10:30:38:20
Unknown
I cry about those things, but actually talking about it, I've never not one time really cried telling somebody, you are talking about it so that let me know that it was OK for me. And that's what I kept telling you.

10:30:38:20 - 10:30:14:06
Unknown
We need to have what we need to have a conversation so we can. We can voice it out, but we need to wrap this up. Yes. What is your next? So of course, this being the first backers of meaning, I decided that I wanted to in my podcast with a transparent moment of the week.

10:29:56:18 - 10:29:40:25
Unknown
Because this package is going to be a weekly conversation about different topics that affects us 40 year olds and over right now. Mind you, a lot of these conversations maybe would help somebody who's now 40, which is great.

10:29:40:25 - 10:29:21:01
Unknown
Cool. I'm glad you're listening, but ultimately I realize that a 40 year old was an over. We have a different mindset for some things that we may not have had prior, so I was turning 40. I don't know what it is about turning to being for all that makes us think things differently or see things differently.

10:29:20:20 - 10:28:57:29
Unknown
Whatever it is. But that's just what it is. So every week I'm wiser in my pocket as what a transparent, transparent moment of the week. And so in, it's going to be based on the topic. So this week's transparent moment of the week is mainly like what really opened my eyes.

10:28:57:14 - 10:28:28:14
Unknown
What I've learned the most thus far with experience in a marriage, in miscarriage over 40 and that really is that yes, is painful mentally. Yes, it's painful physically. But ultimately, the only way that you're going to heal from a miscarriage over 40 is to really.

10:28:26:18 - 10:28:06:20
Unknown
Talk to yourself, admit to yourself, and then talk with someone else and admit to someone else. Exactly. Not a little bit, but exactly what you're going to do, what you're feeling. It's not OK to tell someone you're OK.

10:28:05:15 - 10:27:45:17
Unknown
I want to say that again. It's not OK to tell someone you're OK because when you do that, you are denying yourself healing. You are denying yourself support. This is what's going to make me cry more. You're denying yourself the opportunity to really, really move forward in a positive light.

10:27:44:22 - 10:27:31:10
Unknown
And I was doing that and I realized by me being transparent about how I'm feeling and not telling people that I'm OK because I don't want to have a conversation or I don't want to talk about it anymore.

10:27:31:02 - 10:27:18:01
Unknown
When in reality, I have to be honest with myself and be honest with those individuals who are my support system that I'm not OK. Give me a minute. So they might not be a good day or I am OK.

10:27:17:13 - 10:26:58:06
Unknown
Yes, it's OK to kind of egged me. Whatever questions, yes, you may have. So having a miscarriage over 40 means do not. So, so many years later. I mean, having a miscarriage career. But again, it's the the the the the topic was miscarriages before because we're.

10:26:57:25 - 10:26:33:04
Unknown
It's my experience of being having a miscarriage in general. In general, it's not OK to tell someone you're OK. That's the best out out of this whole long conversation that we pay for, however long it was. My transparent moment of the week is to tell you is not OK to be to tell someone you're OK and when

10:26:33:04 - 10:26:12:08
Unknown
you're not, because that's the only way that you're going to officially heal. So I hope that you guys really enjoyed as much as you can out of this conversation and enjoy our story, our personalities. More importantly, I hope that you were able to get some type of clarity on this topic, and hopefully it's going to help you

10:26:11:24 - 10:26:02:27
Unknown
or someone, you know, heal. Because once again, her people definitely can help people. So in so next week, I.


Introduction
Why a Podcast
1st Pregnancy
How the day started
The moment I knew
Husband believes
Things Turn
Hell into Surgery
#hurtpeoplehelppeople
Help the Healing
Pain Pubicly
Non Cervical Dialiation
We had a miscarriage
What makes me cry
Optimists
When do I cry
Transparent